#JUST LEARN TO LOVE PAIN AND BE PATIENT ;( au: got )

[tkomptgoedluv]

revenge.

tear you apart pt.2

pt.1 here | pt.2

grumpycafeworkervampire! joost x f! reader

tags: dead dove do not eat, f! reader, internetcafe & vampire au, reader doesn’t know how to cope very well, joost’s heart is too big for his body, they’re both desperate to be the other one’s peace, so much hurt, possibly even more comfort, plenty of angst, all characters are dutch and speak in dutch but dialogue is written in english for obvious reasons.

word count: 8,490.

warnings: very detailed descriptions of blood and self harm, descriptions of an un-specific mental illness, semi-heavy stalking, breaking and entering, mentions of gore, brief mentions of violence + abuse, rpf.

notes: hello my lovelies <3 thank you so much for being so patient with this one! it’s not only the longest fic that i’ve ever written, but also genuinely my pride and absolute joy. i fear that i might not ever be able to top this one, actually, so please enjoy it! just keep in mind that this fic comes with a MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING.

also once again, a big big shoutout to my BABY @joosthead for putting up with me constantly asking her to check the doc every time that i added something. please go check out her work if you haven’t already — she’s got some mad shit coming 💋

── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ──

you never really were too good at knowing when to stop, were you?

it’s always been easy for you to get lost in it, lost in the feeling of your old razor blades carving line after line into your skin. once you started, you just had to keep going until you physically couldn’t. not until you’d get too dizzy to focus, until you just couldn’t quite keep your grip tight enough on the razor anymore.

you never learned how to cope any other way; since you were fifteen, it had been your default. cutting yourself up whenever you started to feel too much, or whenever levi would push you too far. as a kid, it was more of a punishment but with him, it was your way of controlling all the pain that you felt.

that’s why you’d done it again, why it’s been the only thing that you’ve managed to do over the past five days or so. you were trying to control things, trying to come to terms with what you had seen and all the big feelings that came right along with it.

you’d spent so long wishing him away — daydreaming of all the terrible things that could happen so you’d finally be free of him. you never actually thought that it would happen, though. that you’d witness your own boyfriend get ripped apart limb from limb; devoured as if he was nothing more than a piece of meat.

you hated that some sick and twisted part of you deep down, missed him. that you just couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that he was gone now. and you hated that when it came to joost, you weren’t quite sure what you felt. for less than a fucking hour he’d been the closest thing to a friend that you’d had in years, but then he’d gone and done that and —

blood dripped down from your wrists, the tops of your arms, and your thighs, and onto the dirty white tiles of your bathroom floor. you’d never gotten this carried away before, and you had made such a mess of it. all the cleaning up would have to be done tomorrow because right now you doubted that you’d even be able to stand.

at least you weren’t feeling quite so much anymore; only the stinging of each and every single one of the fresh cuts. it all hurt, but it was a better thing to feel than the guilt that had kept you confined inside the walls of your own home for so long. you couldn’t help but wonder if you would die here, alone and bleeding on your bathroom floor, or if the police would find you before you’d get the chance to.

you’ve seen bits and pieces of what his friends had been saying online— knew that they wanted to report levi as a missing person now. you wondered how long it would be before the police would come for you, either looking for him or his killer. then again, you weren’t actually sure if there was even a body left behind for them to find.

finally, after god knows how many, you put the razor blade down. it clattered against the linoleum and laid still in one of the few small pools of your own blood. honestly, you were a little proud of what you had done to yourself, even though it still felt like it wasn’t enough. 

in a daze, you just sat there quietly as the time passed, as the blood slowly began to dry. you weren’t entirely sure of the time but it had to have been late from how dark it was outside. your phone was somewhere in your flat, having died a while ago after you neglected to charge it for a few days, but it’s time probably would’ve read something like one or two o’clock in the morning.

no one had been by to check on you, not that you had expected them to, especially not at a time like this, so you jumped when you heard a knock at your front door. silence rang out as you waited, too afraid to move, until you finally heard another one. only then did you get up.

it was with wobbly legs that you limped your way out of the bathroom and through your hallway, your heart hammering away inside your chest. you tried to peer out through your front room windows as you hobbled over to the door, certain that you’d see flashing blue lights or the silhouette of a police officer waiting for you on your doorstep.

but as you opened your front door just an inch, barely wide enough to peak your head around outside, all you saw was nothing. no cars going past, no people wandering by, nothing.

for just a moment, you could have laughed. because this was it now, surely; your breaking point. all that guilt, all of that paranoia — it was finally driving you mad. 

the old hinges of your door squeaked as you went to close it again, turning on your heels as you did so. you glanced up as one of the floorboard creaked from behind you, the gloss in your eyes only slightly blurring the sight of him standing right there, somehow.

you went to scream, a high pitched, blood-curdling shriek right on the rip of your tongue when his hand came up to cup your mouth shut. he knocked you back into the door, slamming it shut as his entire body weight came down to have you pinned against it. you could feel just how hard he was shaking as he held you there, see how those big, panicked eyes of his were flickering between blue and red.

“no no no, please, please don’t scream. i’m not gonna hurt you.”

joost was frantic as he spoke, almost choking on each of his words, begging for you to keep quiet. no matter how desperately you were trying to fight against him, your nails clawing at his chest through his shirt as you fought to get him off of you, you weren’t going anywhere. the more that you struggled, the harder his grip on you got.

you had no way of knowing it yet, but this was killing him. seeing you so small like this, crying out, sobbing, against his hand as you used what little strength you had left to try and push him away — it was undoubtedly going to haunt him. 

he knew that he shouldn't be here, not really. he shouldn’t know where you live, shouldn’t have followed you home that one night a couple months ago. it was just that there had been an attack in your city that week; some poor girl found dead in an alleyway, all bloody and beaten, barely clothed. he’d already had your routine memorised by then, so he knew that you’d be making your way back from the cafe alone, in the middle of the night.

joost had just wanted to protect you, he’d just wanted to make sure that you weren’t about to become the next headline in the local newspaper. at least, that was what he had told himself as he’d stayed hidden away in the shadows, his head down low and hood pulled up as he’d ‘escorted’ you home without you ever knowing it.

sure, it had definitely crossed some lines, him sneaking out of the cafe’s back door after you’d left that night to follow you, but the alternative was worse, right?

that’s what all this came down to, really. his insatiable need to know that you were safe. because last week, you’d ran from him that night with marks on your arm that your boyfriend hadn’t been the one to put there. and you’d ran from him, no less, scared out of your mind at the mere sight of him as he’d stood there pleading with you to stay.

and joost couldn’t stand that.

everyone else could view him as a monster and treat him as such, but not you.

never you. 

that was the only reason why he’d ended up on your doorstep tonight. he needed to know that you were okay, that you were still alive, and that you understood that what he had done to levi, he would never, ever, do to you. 

it was never his plan to ‘invite’ himself in the way that he had. he was going to knock on your door and wait for you to answer it, and he was prepared to spend the rest of the night out there, reasoning with you to just hear him out if he had to. and if by the end of it all you were to still cast him out with the promise of never wanting to see him again, he’d find a way to live with it. just as long as you’d be okay; he’d live with it.

it was never his plan to get to the top of your street and already be able to smell it. the thick, sweet, iron-heavy smell of your blood already so strong that he was gagging by the time he made it to your doorstep. hunched over and heaving, he’d stumbled up to your front door, forcing himself to take deep, slow breaths through his mouth before finally knocking. it took everything in him, every little last bit of willpower, not to turn right then and there.

“lieverd, it’s okay. i promise it’s okay; i’m just here to talk. you…you don’t have to fight me.”

even as you were still thrashing, joost leant down to rest his forehead against yours. his eyes bore into yours as they continued to flash between the two different colours, a few tears of his own welling up behind his waterline. the last time that you were up this close, close enough to see the sweat shining on his temples, you were grasping onto his arm in such a feeble attempt to hide yourself from who you thought to be the only monster in the room.

the one whose blood you’d later seen dripping down from in between joost’s fingers, as he’d clutched onto his heart like a trophy.

he should be the real monster to you — a small part of you even wanted him to be. as terrible as levi truly was, he’d never bitten the head off of anyone, never ripped a heart straight out of someone’s chest. he was just…levi. he was your boyfriend and you hated him, but you never wanted him to die.

there was a bigger part inside of you, though, one that twisted up at the thought of joost being anything like one of the ‘bad guys’ from your old bedtime stories. because despite everything that you’d seen, despite how he’d found out where you lived, somehow, and now had you pinned up against your own front door with his hand holding your mouth shut, you knew that he wasn’t. he wasn’t evil, wasn’t dangerous like how your boyfriend had been, and you knew that. you just didn’t quite know it yet.

still, you began to relax. whether it was by choice or because you simply didn’t have any fight left in you anymore, you weren’t entirely sure. your whole body felt as though it was on fire from how several of your cuts had ripped open slightly from your struggle. small spots of blood started to seep through the thin, white cotton of your shorts as you almost went limp against joost; your eye-contact unbreaking. 

there was just something about the way in which he was looking at you. it was the exact same one he gave you that night last week, when he was desperately trying to convince you not to go back home to levi. his hands had been cupping each one of your cheeks, his warm breath fanning across your face as he panted. seeing that same look on him now, it was enough for you.

joost had felt you start to ease, had heard the fast beating of your heart start to slow. his grip on your mouth loosened as he gently wiped away the wet from your face with his free hand, tucking the loose strands of your hair away from your eyes.

“i’m gonna let you go now, okay? then we can talk?”

you nodded, blinking away the tears from your eyes.

as he held back a breath, joost finally moved his hand away from your mouth and took a single step back — allowing you just enough space to stand up on your own. he still hadn’t looked away from your face, his eyes stuck on yours as he searched your features for any signs of fear, any signs that you were about to turn and run. 

but instead you seemed…calm. still very much in shock; your hands still very much trembling as you wrapped your arms around your middle. but you were calm enough to stand your ground and not shrink underneath his gaze. you didn’t flinch when both of his hands came up to cup either side of your jaw, the pads of his thumbs caressing along the skin.

“are-are you okay? i’ve not seen you in…i thought that maybe you had…”

he couldn’t quite find it in him to finish his sentence. it wasn’t like he needed to, you already knew exactly what he was talking about, and now it all started to make sense. 

that look in his eyes, the way his voice kept shaking every time that he spoke. he was here because he was scared, terrified even, that you’d done something to yourself. that night you’d told him, or rather shown him your secret so he knew what you were capable of now, and it had been driving him mad ever since you disappeared.

you hadn’t needed to say anything; the way you suddenly pulled yourself away from him had said enough. in all of the chaos he hadn’t thought to simply look down. if he had, he would have seen all the damage you’ve already done; every single one of the fresh cuts that you’ve given yourself tonight and all of the ones from the nights before. the old vest top and pyjama shorts that you were wearing weren’t hiding anything — from your shoulders down to your shins, he could see everything now that he had finally dropped his gaze.

with his head down, you couldn’t see his face but you could feel the way he tensed up. you could hear him sniff, cough, and swallow down the bile that was rising up in his throat as he stumbled back a few steps.

you were still bleeding. 

it was making his teeth ache.

neither of you said anything for a while. you stood frozen by the door, your arms still wrapped around yourself as he just stared blankly at you with tears running down his cheeks. 

he felt sick; sickened by the very thing he’d been so afraid of now staring at him right back in the face. he couldn’t stand the sight of it but couldn’t bring himself to look away, either — there was just so much red. long, neat lines of red that covered you almost completely from head to toe; no patch of skin left unmarked. it was vile, it was abhorrent, it was breaking his heart.

“why?”

that was all joost could muster. a pathetic, broken question as he tried so desperately to pull himself back together. 

“i…i don’t know.” you paused only to wipe your teary eyes on the back of your hand. “i never know what else to do when i feel like this; it’s just been hard, joost -”

you trailed off, quickly losing your train of thought when you heard him sob all of a sudden. you hadn’t seen him start to crack because you’d been staring down at your feet, suddenly feeling too shy to meet his eyes. except now he was the one trying to hide, his arm coming up to cover his face as he cried hard enough to make his shoulders bounce.

he repeated ‘i’m sorry, i’m so sorry.’ like a mantra in between shallow gasps of breath and hiccups.

he was blaming himself for this because how could he not? all those cuts along your skin; you might have been the one behind the blade but he had been the one to do it. he’d been the one to scar you like this. that one irreversible act of his that he prayed would keep you safe had pushed you to an edge that he feared he wouldn’t be able to pull you back from. 

it wasn’t even his responsibility to, not really. he didn’t know you and you didn’t know him, either. still, he found himself loving you in a way that didn’t make any sense. 

and you loved him too, didn’t you? in a way that you couldn’t quite wrap your head around because of course you did. you proved that to both yourself and to him by how you finally moved from your spot by the door just so you could take his hands and pry his arms away from his face. you let him engulf you, cradling you close to his chest as he cried into your shoulder because you knew that he needed it.

you didn’t know who he was or even what he was, but you knew that he wasn’t something to truly fear. deep down you knew that you loved him in such an awfully twisted way, and you knew that he needed to feel you just to know that you weren’t going anywhere. 

joost was still spilling out his apologies as you tried so hard to soothe him. you felt him shiver under your touch when you let your hands slip underneath the hem of his t-shirt to rub the hot skin of his sides, your soft little whispered assurances filling his ear. 

it wasn’t his fault, nor was it levi’s or anyone else’s. you were like this long before he’d ever set his eyes on you and a part of you had already accepted that you always will be. the very last thing that you wanted was for it to be a burden someone else had to carry, let alone somebody like joost.

“you didn’t do this, okay? it’s alright. i’m gonna be alright.”

maybe it was cruel of you to try and calm him with words that even you didn’t fully believe in. what you had done to yourself only an hour ago, only you would ever be to blame for it, but you didn’t know if you were going to be alright in the end. you were still a witness to what he’d done and you were still doomed to live with the guilt of that.

“you don’t need to apologise for what i’ve done; you know that this is what i do. it’s not your fault.”

“but i fucked up, lieverd.”  joost shuddered as he sucked in a sharp breath, sniffing. “i fucked up and i did this to you; you did it because of me.”

you hushed him, carefully stepping back just enough so that you had the room to cradle either side of his neck in your hands, urging him to look back at you. as soon as he did, you could see that his eyes were back to being just their usual sweet blue, nothing else.

“i did it because i was scared, joost. i didn’t know what else to do.”

“what, scared of me?”

his question was more like a punch to the gut than anything else. for just a moment it knocked the air out of you; left you winded and with no idea on how to go about answering it. truthfully, the answer was yes, but also no, because it was never actually him that you were so afraid of.

you were just afraid of what he did; what you know joost is truly capable of now. you were afraid of the part of you that was almost relieved to see levi suffer what he did, knowing that it meant that he wouldn’t be able to hurt you anymore. but again, you never wanted him to die. you never wanted to see him get torn apart, piece by piece.

joost whimpered out your name when you didn’t answer and instead just stood there with your mouth slightly agape. your lack of an actual, verbal answer was an answer in itself, really, and he knew that; knew that you were probably just too scared and too kind to tell him the truth. still he needed to hear you say it though, purely for his own sake, he needed to hear you say that he wasn’t just another monster to you.

but the longer that he waited, the weaker his knees started to feel. he kind of fell into you, in a way, burying his face deeper into the crook of your neck as your arms came up to hold him against you. his hot tears ran down your skin and pooled together in the dip of your collarbone and it was right then that your own eyes started to burn. 

slipping out from his grasp, you wordlessly led him by the hand over to your sofa. you watched him collapse onto it as you took a seat next to him, his elbows rested on his knees as his head hung low in between them. his shoulders were still shaking and you could still hear each of the muffled cries that were spilling from his lips.

“please, please, believe me, lieverd. what i did…i never wanted it to hurt you. i’m so sorry.”

you curled yourself into a tight little ball and let out a long, deep breath, one that you hadn’t even known you’d been holding. you had questions; so, so many questions that had been festering, growing like mould in the back of your head. and joost could almost feel you holding them back as he looked up at you with such watery eyes, the only red in them being the sore, puffy rings around them.

“ask me anything, whatever you wanna know.”

“why did you do it?”

there was no emotion in your voice and you kept your face blank as you spoke — it was only the slight quiver of your bottom lip that gave you away.

“he was going to hurt you, schatje.” 

“but how…how were you even…?”

it had happened decades ago, back when internet cafes were still just your average libraries and when only the rich could afford to have their own mobile phones. 

joost had been young, living off the high of infamy and adoration that came with being in one of the best punk bands in the scene at the time. him and his friends, they’d been something of local legends; for good and for bad, it just depended on who you asked. those that loved them deemed them god-like in their old denim and rusted chains, and those that hated them, simply feared them.

he’s not proud of it, how they spent day after day rotting away in a garage, doing whatever drugs they could get their hands on and writing songs just to spend night after night playing shows at only the worst bars they could find. how they’d get even more off their faces afterwards and start fights, smashing up the venues and spray-painting anarchy symbols anywhere and everywhere that they could. how if the night didn’t end with them running away from the cops then it would end with them in the bed of anything with a pretty face, two legs, and a heartbeat.

and then what was supposed to be the best night of the band’s life, the biggest show they’d ever played to a crowd that already knew all the words to their songs, became nothing more than the beginning of the end. it’d happened after they’d all really outdone themselves, whilst those so-called ‘friends’ of his that only ever brought out the worst of him were all passed out somewhere, and joost had decided to go out for a little wander. 

still to this day, he can’t remember the face of who had jumped him. the alleyway had been too dark and he’d been too drunk to even know where he was, so all that truly stuck with him was the agony of it all. the searing pain of a pair of fangs plunging deep into the side of his neck, the gradual, stinging cold he’d felt as the life was almost all but drained from him. whoever it was, they’d left him there to die afterwards — still to this day, a part of him wishes that he had. 

waking up that next morning something so much worse than human, consumed by an appetite so uncontrollable that he just couldn’t help himself when he came across that lone jogger whilst on his way back to his friends. surely it had to have been worse than death. he’d torn that poor guy to shreds as if it was nothing, as if he was just pulling chicken off the bone. 

but he hadn’t stopped there, had he? he couldn’t, he didn’t know how to. even after he’d shown up on his drummer’s doorstep covered in blood and crying his eyes out, he had to keep going, keep feeding. because joost wasn’t too good at knowing when to stop, either, was he?

it had taken him years to figure it out, actually. years of mindless, reckless slaughter to realise that he actually hated what he was now, and that his ‘friends’ weren’t ever really his friends. from the moment he’d shown up that day, all stained red and babbling about the man he’d just killed, the band played him like a puppet simply because they knew that they could.

regardless of the change, he was still joost. they knew that it really wouldn’t take much to get inside of his head, to spin whatever that had happened to him into something almost profitable for them all. and it hadn’t, because everything they had him do was always ‘for the band’, so really, how could he have said no? 

besides, he would have been lying if he’d said he hadn’t come to enjoy it, after a while. seeing the life drain from their eyes as they’d beg for mercy, pleading with him, promising him that they’d do whatever he wanted if he’d just let them go. he’d always laugh then, before sinking his teeth into their throats. 

and it helped that these people also happened to be nobodies, too. from shitty bar owners that wouldn’t let them play to members of a rival band that had just gotten a little too cocky for their own good. no one ever missed them, most hardly noticed that they were gone.

joost was never a monster to them, to the band, just an over-glamorised attack dog that could do a lot more than just bite.

it had taken him far too many years to realise it.

“that’s how i ended up with the cafe…i wanted to get away; i didn’t want to be like that anymore.” he paused only to gauge your reaction, or more so your lack of one. you hadn’t said a word the entire time, hadn’t flinched or pulled a face; you had barely even blinked. 

“what did you do with the body?…his body?”

the sudden sound of your voice, it made him glance back up at you with a small quiver in his lip. you were still staring blankly at the wall ahead, your expression borderline unreadable, but your words hadn’t cracked and your hands weren’t shaking anymore, either.

“i know some people that are…like me; they handled it.” when you fell quiet again, joost continued, wiping the snot from his nose as he did so. “i’ve done a lot of bad things, lieverd. what i did to levi, fuck, that’s not even the worst of it. you should be scared of me; i’m scared of me.”

“i’m not.” 

“why?”

“because if you were still the monster that you think you are, i wouldn’t have even made it halfway out the door that night.” 

after only another moment or two of silence had passed did you finally look down to meet his eyes again. whilst there was a shine in yours that definitely matched his own, there was something so soft about the way you were gazing at him. it made the muscles beneath his shoulders relax and drop down as he breathed out a quiet sigh of relief.

you didn’t need to elaborate any further, didn’t need to say anything else to prove to him that you knew he wasn’t that person anymore. he could tell simply from the hint of a smile that was tugging at the corners of your mouth. from how it was with careful, delicate movements that you moved to crawl onto his lap and hugged him, nuzzling your face into the curve of his neck.

the large, warm palms of joost’s hands slid underneath the cotton of your tank top and soothed the cool skin of your spine as he rested his head against yours. instead of asking how you were even real, how someone so undeniably good was able to look past each and every single one of his sins, he kept quiet to let the last few tears of his fall.

but if he had in fact asked, then you would’ve told him that truly, you couldn’t hold any of it against him. 

of course it was all awful, from the countless faces he’d torn apart to the people that he terrorised even before the change. your skin had been crawling as joost had spoken and you just couldn’t ignore the fact that anyone else in your position probably would’ve taken off running by now. that, and that they’d have every right to.

except you weren’t just anyone, were you? as far as you were concerned, those old so-called ‘friends’ of his were the real monsters, because you of all people knew what it was like to be hurt by those you trusted most. to have someone so deep inside your mind that you quickly became blind to everything else. you couldn’t hold it against him because in your heart, you got it. you could feel that, that wasn’t who joost was anymore.

“can you stay tonight? for a little while?”

you felt his hands trail down to the side of your hips and squeeze as you pulled away just enough to see his face, your own two hands falling down to rest against his stomach.

“i’ll stay for as long as you want me to, schatje. i’m here.” 

being on the brink of almost giddiness as you nodded, that small smile of yours twisting up into an almost grin, you hadn’t realised how his fingers were starting to roam. that his hands were gently moving around, rubbing up and down the flesh of your waist until they reached the very front of your hips. 

you hadn’t been fast enough, hadn’t been able to take hold of his wrists to stop him before the soft pads of his thumbs could find the aching, bumpy lines of the cuts you’d put there a few days ago. as you froze, you watched his own sweet smile drop and his eyebrows furrow, and felt him slowly lift up the hem of your top just enough to see the true extent of it.

even in the low light of your living room, even if his eyesight wasn’t as unnaturally good as it was, he still wouldn’t have been able to miss it. just like the rest of you was, the tight skin of your stomach and all the way across to your hips were marked with the same harsh, red gashes. most were scabbed over but a couple were sprouting fresh drops of blood from where you’d been moving around so much, pulling them apart at the seams.

you went to stand and then tried to simply twist yourself away when you couldn’t, but even then joost’s hold on you was too strong. his touches were feather-soft as he traced the tips of his fingers along every single one, following them down to the ones on your things and then back up along the ones on your arms. by the time that he reached your eyes again they were already scrunched up closed, hiding from him.

“because of me.”

it was more of a statement than a question, partly because he already knew the answer, and partly because he knew that you’d still deny it if he asked.

“joost -”

“- you have a first aid kid somewhere, right? lemme help.”

you shook your head as you went to tug your vest top back down, only to freeze when you finally caught a glimpse of all the little spots of blood that had seeped through your clothes. you stopped and stared at them for longer than you meant to, your hands trembling as you toyed with the material between your fingers. 

the blood was always your favourite part. how it would slowly peek through the small breaks in your skin before oozing out, running down your body until the drops would fall and hit the floor. it had a way of hypnotising you every single time, making you want to keep going and going just so you could see it happen over again and again. even now, when the tiny red polka dots were nothing more than just a few sticky stains on your top, turning the tips of your fingers a deep pink.

it took joost gently prying your hands away for you to snap out of it. 

“n-no, no, i can’t let you do that. it wouldn’t be fair, not when there’s so much blood and you’re…”

“i’ll be fine, lieverd, i promise.”  you felt him give your hands a soft squeeze as he paused, “let me help you.”

there was no point in trying to change his mind. once you lifted your head back up and saw how those big blue eyes of his were staring back at you, the smudged, dark makeup around them making them seem so might brighter, you no longer had the heart to tell him no again. he could have asked anything of you, and you would’ve said yes.

“it’s in the bathroom.”

without warning, joost moved to grip the backs of each of your thighs and stood up, smiling when you squealed as you wrapped your arms and legs around him. it baffled you for a moment how it seemed as though he already knew where to go, that he already knew that your bathroom was all the way down the hall, last door on the left. you chalked his strong sense of direction up to it just being another one of the many perks that came along with being…well, him.

and whilst that was true, maybe it wasn’t the only reason why he specifically knew the layout of your home already. maybe he’s escorted you home more than just the once, twice, three times. maybe this wasn’t actually his first time walking down your hallway at all. 

the cold of your bathroom counter underneath you made you jump slightly as joost carefully set you down on it. you’d left the light on from when you were in here earlier; your razor still laying discarded on the floor, coated in a drying layer of your own blood. you hadn’t even thought he’d seen it until he was picking it up and tossing it in the bin as if it was just a piece of rubbish that he’d dropped. 

neither of you were saying anything. joost had fallen uncharacteristically quiet, breathing somewhat heavily through his mouth as he dug through your cabinets until he finally found that little green box with the red cross on on the front. his hands were shaking as he opened it, pulling out the countless packets of alcohol wipes and plasters, dropping a few things as he did so.

had you been paying more attention, then you would’ve noticed that actually, this was taking quite the toll on him. but you couldn’t shift your eyes away from the bin, the one that now contained the very last one of your razor blades amongst a small collection of used tissues and tampon wrappers. joost had thrown away your last one, and now you had none.

“okay, i’m sorry if this stings, schat. let me know if you need me to stop, okay?”

it was as you were nodding that you suddenly hissed, your leg jolting from the pain of the alcohol wipe joost had used to clean the first of the cuts on your upper thigh. on instinct you tried to pull away, fighting against the grip that he held on you to keep your leg still against the counter.

you weren’t expecting it to hurt as much as it did. considering how many times that you’ve been here before, cleaning yourself up because you didn’t always have someone around that cared enough to want to do it for you, you thought you would have been used to it by now. you never would have guessed that it would have you in near tears all over again, gripping the edge of the bathroom counter until your knuckles slowly started to turn white. 

maybe this was just the price you had to pay for going a little deeper than you meant to. 

“hey, do you think you could just…i don’t know, talk, for a while? tell me something about yourself?” at the look of confusion on your face joost just smiled, raising his hands a little to show you just how hard they were shaking. “it’ll help me concentrate.”

he was struggling more than he thought he’d be.

except how could he not be? this was a lot for him. all that blood of yours smeared and stained across his fingers aside, simply just being this close to you was enough to somehow make him feel lightheaded. feeling your knees on either side of his thighs as he stood in between your legs, so close to you in fact that he could hear your heartbeat louder than anything else. 

he just needed to hear your voice, needed something else to focus on besides your blood that now laid underneath his fingernails.

“oh shit, uh, okay….um…”

you weren’t sure why you started to chuckle, almost, stumbling over these noises that barely even resembled words. you wanted to come up with something to talk about fast, to help get joost’s mind off of what he was actually doing, but the harder you thought the quicker your mind went blank. nobody’s ever really asked you to talk about yourself before; you had no idea what to say.

there wasn’t a whole lot to say, really. you used to have interests; hobbies that you used to put your heart and soul into, dreams that you were so determined to make a reality for yourself. levi had, had other plans for you, though. either, he would simply take up too much of your time, or he’d be so insistent that those hobbies of yours were ‘pointless’, that eventually you grew to lose interest in them. since day one of the relationship, everything about you had to be about him.

you used to think that it was probably for the best, that maybe he was right and you really were just wasting your time. but now that he’s gone for good, and you’re stuck with someone in front of you that genuinely wants to get to know you, you realise now that there’s nothing for you to tell them. there’s nothing of who you used to be left.

joost gave your knee a quick squeeze before turning his attention onto your arms, having slowly picked up on the fact that once again, your lack of an answer told him far more than you wanted it to. 

“okay, let’s start with the easy stuff — what did you want to be when you were growing up?”

“i wanted to be a painter.”

you hissed again at the burn of one of the alcohol wipes against your skin; smiling softly when he reassured you of just how brave you were being.

“a painter? that’s sick! did that happen?”

“almost. i went to school for it, got a degree and everything, but uh, levi always said that it’s not a ‘real job’ so…”

joost’s frown was immediate. he was shaking his head, the lines in his forehead already so prominent. “did you really give it all up because of that? that’s bullshit.” 

“i didn’t really have much of a choice, joostie.”

you both fell quiet again after that.

he felt horrible for reacting like that, fearing that you mistook all of his anger towards levi and each of the silly little ideas that the guy had planted in your head to be aimed at you. you’d sounded so defeated as your shoulders slumped, your voice falling to a near-whisper as you moved your gaze onto the floor. of course you didn’t have a choice; that much should’ve already been obvious. 

and it was the look on your face now that was hurting him the most. a look of mourning as you pondered the life that you almost had, had it not been for that asshole and the hold that he’d once had over you. as joost wiped another cut clean, he regretted for just a moment not going back for seconds that night — it would’ve been the least that levi deserved.

“what kind of art did you do?”

that brought something of a smile back to your face as your mind drifted back to all of the scrapbooks you had hidden underneath your bed. old, dust-covered notebooks filled to the brim with page after page of everything from doodles to full-fledged paintings. your bottom lip wobbled when you thought of all the canvases though, the same ones you once watched levi destroy one night just because he’d wanted to see you cry after a fight.

“everything — oil paint, acrylics, watercolour. i really loved chalk, though. seeing all the stains it would leave behind made it feel like it meant something more, you know? like i was really creating something.”

a gentle grin curled the corners of your mouth up as you spoke, beginning to ramble so passionately about what you loved that joost really did almost forget what he was doing. he had to stop for a second just so that he could witness that smile of yours, see that gleam in your eyes that he’d once had himself back when he was just kid writing songs in his bedroom. in a blink of an eye, you had suddenly become so alive and it had him floored.

it had him captivated, actually; irrevocably wrapped around your finger.

his hands weren’t shaking so much anymore.

“i have a friend that’s a painter; he mainly does the oil stuff, i think, but maybe i could introduce the two of you one day? he’ll probably have some chalk laying around somewhere.”

“is he…?”

“no, he’s not like me. can i lift your shirt up a little bit? we’re almost done, i’ve just got to get the last ones.”

you nodded, wondering how it was that his skin felt so warm against yours, all things considered.

“it wouldn’t have mattered to me if he was.”

joost knew that you were telling the truth, could hear it in the way that your heartbeat kept its rhythm. 

and the conversation continued to flow as joost patched up the last few cuts of yours, sticking little hello kitty plasters delicately across your hip bones. he told you all about this oil-painter friend of his, ‘daan’ — how he’d been the first genuine friend that joost had made after the change, how he never would’ve been able to get away from the band if it wasn’t for him.

joost even opened up to you about his family, his parents. even after so many years, you still had to help him breathe through it as he told you their story with tears all in his eyes. it was only fair that you did the same after that; he almost couldn’t believe it when you’d said you'd lost your parents when you were younger too, spent some time in the system just as he had. after all, that was how you met levi. 

and he told you all about another friend of his, ‘lenny’, how it’s because of her that he likes foreign graphic novels so much. whenever he’s not reading those porn mags that he swears he only picks up for the articles, he’s reading and then re-reading her old japanese comic books. you were never much of a comic book kid yourself, having always preferred to lose yourself inside the pages of a stephen king or a neil gaiman instead, so you promised to read ‘death note’ if joost read ‘the shining’.

by the time that he was pulling your shirt back down and chucking away all of the used, bloodied wipes that had accumulated, you were fighting to keep your eyes open. joost could tell that he was losing you just from the way that you kept swaying from side to side and nodding your head slightly even when he hadn’t asked you a question. it made his heart ache, knowing that you were so, so exhausted but still so unwilling to sleep because you wanted to keep the conversation going.

he hadn’t told you his favourite colour yet.

“cmon you, i think it's bedtime.”

you were yawning before you could argue, letting your head fall back against the cabinet behind you. the thought of your bed was undeniably heavenly; the feeling of your mattress dipping below your weight as you curl yourself into a ball beneath your blankets. the only problem was that you were just as comfy here as you would be over there, though, perched on the edge of your bathroom countertop with joost still standing in between your legs, his hands resting on each of your thighs.

this bubble you had created with him — it wasn’t one you were ready to leave quite just yet. there was still that fear of waking up alone again lurking in the back of your mind.

and it was before you could argue that joost was also scooping you up again, holding you up by the backs of your thighs as he began to carry you back down the hall. you let your head fall to rest against his shoulder, your arms draped loosely around his neck. if it wasn’t for that fear of yours twisting your insides and rotting your brain from the inside out, you could have fallen asleep right there. 

you probably would have.

“you’re gonna stay with me, right?”

joost glanced down at the top of your head with a crease in his eyebrows, carefully nudging your bedroom door open with his foot. “i already told you, lieverd, i’m not going anywhere. i promise.”

“no, i know that. i just mean -” you paused when he gently set you down just beside your bed, only stepping away to turn on the light until you made a sudden, desperate reach for his wrist. 

when the warm glow of the lamp flooded the room, you could see that he wasn’t smiling anymore. instead there was worry in his eyes as he took that step back closer to you again, his hands coming up to tuck loose strands of hair behind your ears.

“what’s wrong?”

“- i meant that you’re not gonna exile yourself to the sofa or anything, right? you’ll stay with me?”

it finally clicked in his head what you were asking. 

and it definitely felt like a lot to be asking of him, again all things considered. you just couldn’t do it though, you couldn’t handle the idea of being by yourself anymore. it was why you always stayed in the end, with levi, why a part of you couldn’t help but miss him. his presence would be chilling but his side of the bed would always be warm when you would wake up in the mornings. 

you didn’t want to start crying when you felt as though it was taking joost too long to answer. you didn’t want to guilt trip him like that, make him feel as though he had to even if he didn’t want to. but it was just another thing that you couldn’t help, because you were so tired and so afraid that you just didn’t know what else to do besides sit down and cry.

he copied you by sinking down into a squat, placing both of his hands onto each one of your knees. since you kept your eyes focused on the ceiling, trying and failing at trying to blink away your tears as you hiccuped, it was from the corners of your sight that you saw joost reach up to wipe them away himself. the pads of his thumbs stroked along the skin of your cheekbone and lingered there for a moment or two before he spoke.

“can you look at me, schatje?”

you did so almost reluctantly.

“i’m not going anywhere, alright? i’m not gonna leave you.”

nodding as you sniffled, you kept your eyes locked with his as you crawled back onto your bed and pulled back the covers. neither of you said anything nor dared to look away from the other as joost kicked off his shoes and undid the clasp of his watch, slipping it off of his wrist to leave it on your bedside table. 

that was all he did before he climbed into bed with you, still dressed in the same hoodie and sweatpants that he’s had on all night. you let his arms wrap around you and tug you up into his chest as you grabbed onto fistfalls of his sweatshirt, trusting that he meant it when he said he’d stay with you but still feeling too afraid to let go. 

more tears began to fall from your eyes, your shoulders wracking against him as you cried. soft, gentle circles were drawn anywhere on your skin that he could reach; your shoulders, your hips, your sides, and he murmured sweet little assurances into your ear.

“i mean it, okay? i’ve got you. i’m right here.”

it was with your whole heart that you believed him. with your tears slowly soaking through the cotton of his jumper, you believed that he’ll still be here when you wake up, all curled up with you with his hand still rubbing up and down your back. 

“i’m here.”

[tickled-p1nk]

SLOWLY BUT SURELY ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

: ̗̀➛ summary: Royal! AU Blade x Arranged Wifey : ̗̀➛ cw: pure fluff, alludes to past trauma but very vague, cold Blade husband in the beginning : ̗̀➛ a/n: dedicated to @all-skedaddle-and-no-bop

Royal!Blade was not cruel as many rumors would suggest, nor was he neglectful. Instead he was quite the opposite, he made sure you had everything you could ever want and more. You were adorned with jewels and the newest fabrics. Instead he was cold, he did not pay attention to your emotional needs or wants and you barely spent any time together.

In Blade's eyes the marriage was only a means to an end, it only ever went through because it was the key to brokering peace between your two nations anyways. He believed that even as good of a person you are that he could never love or be loved as he is. He knows the rumors; how he was seen as cold, cruel, merciless. You, despite being as fierce of a warrior, were kinder, the face of happiness and peace in the empire, having more patience despite suffering many wounds similar to Blade's.

You saw your marriage with him and were reminded of your parents, father cold but not cruel and a patient mother neither of which never sought to heal their family. You did not want your children to have to grow up in an environment like that. You understood the toll endless wars took on the empire but family and the heirs of the empire were also of importance, not just to the family unit but also for the future of the empire.

You took it slowly, subtly, small gestures like getting Blade food and refreshment when he was spending long nights in his office. You asked him how he was doing, his day, if he needed or wanted anything. You learned about the person he was and slowly but surely you grew into love, you appreciated his tenacity and how straightforward he was, you saw how he used his distance as a shield to protect those close to him, you saw his pain that he hid behind his tired eyes, the intelligence and how his mind was a work of art. You started to engage in more open acts of affection, you helped him prepare his armor if ever he had to go out on battle or a peace meeting, you cooked foods for him that he seemed to like, you got him to bed when he was tired, you even managed to play with and style his long hair when he was stressed out in the office or when you started to share a bedroom.

Eventually you managed to make your way into his heart…

From Blade's perspective he was unsure of how to navigate such a relationship like husband and wife, he never opened his heart to anyone and you were no different.

Until…

He was surprised the first time you brought him food, he didn't know what to say so he just stared and nodded in carefully concealed awe. No one ever took care of him or cared for him in such a way. He saw how empathetic and kind and patient you are despite his cold and aloof demeanor. The first night he asked you to sit with him in his office you started fiddling with his hair. It was strangely relaxing. He felt warmth, a comforting heat different from the stress of war and battle. When you leaned in ever so closely to him and looked at the documents on his desk over his shoulder, resting your chin on his shoulder he felt a strange sense of comfort. 

The first night you slept in the same bed he could not sleep for a while, not out of discomfort but from awe of how peaceful you looked even in your most vulnerable state, your features illuminated by the moonlight, even with your messy blanket and sleep wear you were as ethereal as ever He wanted to get in closer, to take in your scent and hold you close to him where he could keep you safe, he didn't, but he wanted to. When you laughed he could feel his heart quicken ever so slightly and he wanted to hear it again and again.

Eventually you two set into a routine of quiet care, love, and understanding. He would not verbally express his love often but every morning he would kiss your forehead before getting out of bed, he would ask you how you were doing with the most serious face on and eyebrows furrowed. You would catch him staring in court or during formal dinners and you didn't know that all he wanted to do was get you out of here and smother you in kisses and love away from prying eyes. Nights were often the most peaceful, a time allotted only for you two to enjoy however you please.

After your first child he kissed you and thanked you for being in his life, never imagining that he could experience such happiness and peace and safety in his own lifetime. You reciprocated by cupping his face with one of your hands and gently kissed his forehead then lips and looking him in the eye with a gentle smile on your lips. It was slow but it worked out, a rare love not often found in situations like yours that fostered happiness and comfort even during such tumultuous times.

a/n part 2: haiiii, banner art credit to @donaldakron on twt (x wtv), divider thingies by @cafekitsune

[voidcanarys]

Blue Lock Fic Recs

I’ve been meaning to make one of these for a while now. I truly cannot state how much I enjoyed these fics so if a few, or even just one, stands out to you, please give it a shot. I’ve split the list into three sections, kaisagi, bachisagi and miscellaneous but I have wayyyy more fics so I’ll probs make at least a part 2, maybe a part 3.

KAISAGI

I Pay the Price, You’re the Answer to the Pain by yasuna

Teen | Completed | 42.8k words | 8/8

Romantic Hate-Flirting | Homophobia In Football | Angst | Character Study | Developing Romance

It's been one kiss. One kiss that didn't mean shit. But captured by the cameras and broadcasted for the entire world to see, it has the potential to end both of their careers right then and there.

Kaiser and Isagi navigating the world of football whilst staring on a reality tv show. The banter between Isagi and Kaiser is so fun and I love the incorporation of real life events and controversies.

Oat Milk (and Other Irredeemable Vices) by @caluette

Teen | Completed | 26.5k words | 3/3

AU - Coffee Shops & Cafés | AU - No Blue Lock | Enemies to Lovers | Getting Together

Yoichi Isagi works at a coffee shop on campus, and likes to believe he has the virtue of being patient with the people he encounters. He does not, however, file Michael Kaiser under "people." Or, the coffee shop au where they hate each other. Until they don't.

So cute. Dramatic musical theatre major Kaiser and fed up minimum wage worker Isagi. Brilliant characterisation. Love the dialogue between Kaiser and Isagi and their snarky-ness.

Kintsukuroi by laylayli

Mature | Completed | 54.3k words | 3/3

Processing Grief | Kaiser-Centric | Mending Relationships | It starts Bad But Gets Better

'“Kaiser,” he starts to say, “I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but are you really okay?” And he’s not sure, even afterwards, what it is that makes this his breaking point. Whether it’s the fact that he’s so far away from home, feeling like he’s unmoored himself from reality in this surreal, unfamiliar place, or whether he’s just so tired, so defenceless without the fire burning through him and its fumes obscuring the things he does not want to handle. He’s not sure, if it’s because Isagi is the farthest thing from a friend or the closest thing he has to familiarity right now, but he hears himself say, “My father died,” out loud, for the first time since he got the news.' * sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you have been ruined - ocean vuong

Kaiser meeting the Isagi family and learning how to accept help and kindness. Love Kaiser internal dialogue throughout the fic and the constant push and pull between enjoying his time with Isagi and his parents but hating how it reminds him of his own familial relationships, or lack there-of. (Ness and his relationship with Kaiser is also a highlight)

BACHISAGI

Like glass from Sandy Ground by Ethereally & @putsch

Teen | Completed | 7.2k words | 1/1

Aromatic Asexual Isagi Yoichi | Pre-Relationship | Getting Together | Post-Canon

Isagi and Bachira have been best friends for eight years, and pro footballers for six. Isagi knows how Bachira takes his coffee and how many charms are on his phone, is reminded of Bachira when he sees sunflowers or nutmeg in the spice shelf. Bachira can trace every freckle on Isagi’s cheeks and count the moles on his back like constellations in the sky. Isagi and Bachira are not together.

I truly cannot emphasise more how much this fic means to me. I have read it at least 6 times and have cried every. single. time. There’s a specific quote that sends me into tears anytime I think about it (I’m tearing up as I write this). It’s such heartwarming, comforting and beautifully written fic.

Orange Juice by totallyrottentomatoes

Mature | Ongoing | 63.6k words | 5/10

Post-Canon | AU - Olympics | Slow Burn | Unreliable Narrator | Angst with a Happy Ending | Implied/Referenced Homophobia

Isagi Yoichi returns to Japan in preparation for the summer Olympics for the first time in three years, and Meguru finds him again.

The pining is so strong aughhh. Love the incorporation of the original characters. My favouite type of post-canon fic where life gets in the way but the love never leaves.

Sideline Love Story by bogreport

Explicit | Ongoing | 55.6k words | 8/29

AU - No Blue Lock | Most Characters Are Professional Soccer Players | Slow Burn | Feelings Realization | Parenting | Light Angst |

While visiting his family in Japan during the off-season, 25-year-old Bastard München player Isagi "volunteers" to coach his nephew's U-6 team. Enter: the most high-maintenance crew of soccer dads ever to make a scene on the sidelines. Although one of the kids has an older brother who Isagi wouldn't mind getting to know better... Meanwhile Bachira, his arm and his heart both freshly broken, tries to convince himself that while love is fleeting, his monster is forever.

Eeek the kids are so cute in this fic. Isagi being head over heels and not realising it. Bachira developing a crush but hesitating to persue it having just gotten out of a relationship. The author mentions that the “fic's original brainrot form, it was more like a sitcom with an ensemble cast and short silly ‘episodes’ rather than a coherent story” which makes for really fun chapter and a real long slow burn feel.

MISC

Whipper!! by bigdamnher0

Bachira Meguru/Isagi Yoichi/Itoshi Rin

Teen | Ongoing | 15.5k words | 3/6

Bachisagi Are Childhood Friends | Angst and Hurt/Comfort | Climbing As A Metaphor for Self-Actualization or Self-Destruction (Take Your Pick) | Injury | Mild PTSD

Isagi was getting used to the shape of Rin's attention: How he jammed his fingers into Bachira’s back whenever his spine sagged without tension. Barked, “WRONG,” every time they made a move that wasn’t his exact flavor of climbing. Called Isagi’s latest boulder, “fucking lukewarm,” like he was some kind of underpaid undersecretary, delivering him coffee for the day. Still, Rin never failed to hold up his end of the bargain in this tenuous belaytionship: to show them some damn good climbing. The little flame in Isagi’s chest was back. It licked him black and blue. After a near-fatal climbing accident, Rin resolved to never fail again. Isagi swore he'd take the wind out of this pretty boy's sails. And Bachira? All he wanted was a soft landing, just this once. Going up and growing up; cord of threes and all.

Rinbachisagi and bouldering/rock climbing, what more could you want. The way the author writes is so captivating and such an easy read despite all the technical terms used.

I’ll Find my Own Bravado by cygnusknights

Bachira Meguru/Isagi Yoichi/Itoshi Rin

Teen | Completed | 9.6k words | 1/1

Post-Canon | Existential Crisis on a Christmas Cruise | Isagi Yoichi & Itoshi Sae | Isagi-Centric

Meguru and Rin are hooking up. And Isagi… doesn’t hate it, but he’ll certainly have an existential crisis about it on the trio’s Mediterranean Christmas cruise, where he runs into Sae and has a weird holiday not-hookup.

The platonic saesagi is definitely the star of the show. The small Oikawa cameo was also very funny.

Despite the Overwhelming Odds, Tomorrow Came by @icarianiscariot

Itoshi Rin & Shidou Ryuusei

Teen | Completed | 19.7k words | 5/5

AU - No Blue Lock | Suicidal Thoughts | Depression | Platonic Relationships | Absent/Neglectful Parents | Angst with a Happy Ending

"Rin," Shidou repeats. "Where are you?" "I'm—" and fuck, it's so embarrassing, isn't it? The Sae in his head sneers at how lukewarm and pathetic this all is. Begging for someone to ask him to live. "Um, I'm at the bay, up on the bridge. "Silence for a few beats, and then he can hear the clink of Shidou's ridiculously oversized keychain, followed by the slam of the door and his car coming to life on the other end of the line. Rin isn't okay, and the only person he can think to turn to is his shitty brother's annoying boyfriend. A fic on platonic bonds, little things that make big differences, learning compassion toward both others and the self, and coming to terms with being alive. More or less.

A certified Blue Lock classic in my opinion. A must-read even!

On a Wire by merulus

Karasu Tabito/Otoya Eita

Teen | Completed | 128.3k words | 22/22

AU - College/University | Getting Together | Panic Attacks | Fluff & Humour | Trans Karasu Tabito

As a junior in college pursuing his passion for soccer while also putting just as much focus into having a solid post-graduation career path, Tabito Karasu honestly thought he wouldn't have enough time for romance. And especially given how his last relationship had ended, he wasn't even sure he would be able to deal with that kind of stress; he wasn't exactly a fan of letting someone in just to get hurt by them. He would rather stay on track to graduating with honors even if it meant being alone. But somehow that goddamned Eita Otoya was able to sneak his way through all of his defenses, painfully securing a place in his heart. They had been both roommates and teammates since the beginning of freshman year, and by now they also had easily solidified themselves as each other's best friend. They recently moved into an on-campus apartment with their other friend Kenyuu Yukimiya, and life was good. Karasu happened to have feelings for Otoya, but he had had this affliction for the better half of two years so it was something he was unfortunately just trying to get used to. He tried to ignore it most of the time since Otoya didn't feel the same; he was straight. Sometimes it really didn't feel that way, though.

Part 2 of a series but it can be read alone (definitely read part 1 if you enjoyed this tho)

[yanderes-galore]

May I request a romantic scenario with DBD Nurse using your prompts 17 + 56 and yandere-daze's prompt 1?

I'm thinking this would be for Sally before the Entity's realm (I'm not sure how much the Nurse in her current state can really talk anyway). Sally in the depths of madness, with kidnapped darling who she treats like her sweet little doll. She's as kind as can be to them (in her opinion)... but at night, when she's away at work at the asylum, darling must be safely locked up - for their own good! To keep them safe! Maybe she's taking some pointers from how they restrain patients at the asylum? Or something like that, you can change the details as you see fit ^^

Maybe with some mindbreak? Darling barely bothers trying to resist at this point...

🕊️ anon

Sure! I had writer's block for a long time on this... so there isn't much plot. Mostly just Nurse being... insanely delusional.

Prompt 1 Here

Yandere! Nurse Prompts 17, 56, 1

(Pre-Entity AU)

"You look so cute in those clothes! I think I picked well...."

"Come dance with me, it'll stretch your cramped legs."

“I love you so much you have no idea.”

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Delusional behavior, Mind break (Probably for both parties), Dark themes, Post-Kidnapping, Isolation, Forced relationship.

Nights were always stressful to Sally. In fact, her whole job was stressful. Her superiors never treated her as human, her patients exposed her to countless humans... yet a job is a job.

Not much makes the horrors better. The asylum is a heinous job she's forced to play her part in. For the money... She'll work until she's dead.

Or snaps....

However, Sally often waits eagerly for when she can go home. Originally, after the death of her husband, home had also been hell for her. Too many bad memories swim around her head when she's alone...

But recently she hasn't had to think of such a thing!

Now she has her precious doll....

She used to be so alone.... After losing her loved one, she had no one to distract her from the abuse of her job. Then she met you... Someone who offered to ease her pain.

At least, that's what she heard. She doesn't remember the specifics... that was months ago! All she really cared to remember was that she met you at the asylum...

Yet now she keeps you in her home, her lovely little doll that distracts her from the madness.

You've always been there for her when things got bad. You allowed her to vent, you allowed her to be herself! Soon, as you got closer... You allowed her to dance with you... to dress you...

To have you...

Isn't this love?

It means so much to come home to a partner for her. It reminds her of how things used to be for her! Although... now out of grief... she certainly feels you're better than that man ever could be....

Coming home is a frequently practiced ritual for her. She comes home, she goes to bed, dreaming of you all the while. Then she wakes up and walks to your door.

The sight's frightening at first. Locks all over the door that she had taught herself how to install. After all... anyone else would think she's keeping a monster here!

There's no monster here....

No, the only person in here is her precious! It takes time to remove all the locks... But it's worth it in the end! The second that last key slips in the lock and the door creaks open...

There you lay on the bed she prepared for you, belts holding your wrists and ankles down.

She's learned that's the best way to get you to sleep.

You stir when she enters the room, a loving gaze in her eyes. Despite this... you still look at her blankly. Looks like her doll is bored....

Sally grins softly before walking up to you and untying the belts on the bed. You used to fight her so much months ago. Now you just allow things to happen... even when she moves to pull you out of the bed.

"Come here, my love...!"

Her tone is sweet as she tugs you along to go along with your usual morning routine. You follow her obediently, not giving much of a fuss. She can't help but smile...

You're her precious little love.

You're quiet the whole time. You don't make a fuss when she bathes you, you don't complain when she dries you and escorts you back to your dark room. In fact, you wait patiently when she picks out a new outfit and dresses you.

She's affectionate the whole time, lightly touching you and whispering about how much she loves you. Even when she gently presses a kiss to your skin... you merely make a small noise in response. Such a noise makes her giggle in response.

"You look so cute in those clothes! I think I picked well...." Sally hums, cupping your face to give you another kiss. "We have all afternoon together before I work tonight... My love, let's make it count."

Sally used to be upset when you'd argue with her. You used to be so disobedient. But now? Well, now you're quiet, only speaking when she asks you to.

For most... this would be considered strange... but to her, it's just true love.

Sally treated you in the only way she knew how... just as she would her patients. After all, when you said you didn't love her, she simply felt that was another illness to fix. Now look at you...

Now you let her cook for you and feed you. Now you let her read to you and cuddle you. Now you let her kiss you and give you love...

You're much better than any patient.

"Come dance with me, it'll stretch your cramped legs!" Sally chirps like she's the happiest she's ever been. Dancing makes her ignore the stresses in her life. Plus, it allows you to feel less sore.

You don't fight her when she pulls you close to her. She keeps you close, holding your hands in hers as she dances in her home. In any normal situation... Perhaps this could be romantic.

Yet Sally... isn't all there... and you act like you were given an emotional lobotomy.

You're all Sally needs. She could take any abuse work throws at her if it meant coming home to take care of you. Especially since you now realize she means well.

Keeping you here keeps you safe and keeps her sane.

Her routine includes spending the whole day with you when she's awake. Yet as work inches ever so closer, Sally knows she can't have you forever. So, with a heavy heart... She drags you back to the dark room.

You stare at the setting sun through the windows longingly before she pulls at you. At first you pull back a bit, but it's all half-hearted. You don't even care anymore....

"I wish we could spend the whole night together... but work needs me, my dearest."

You quietly slump back into bed as Sally lays you down. Like with her patients, she ties the belts back on your limbs. You used to kick and fight... but now you just watch her.

It's easier now.

“I love you so much you have no idea.” Sally confesses before kissing your lips gently. You don't kiss back... but it goes unnoticed by her.

"Good night, my love." Sally whispers, petting your head before walking away. "I'll be thinking of you."

It's then Sally leaves the room, closing the door and beginning the long process of locking the door. While she goes to work, she kennels you like a dog who can't resist trouble. Yet to her... she's just keeping you safe.

Once ready for work, Sally leaves her home...

She already can't wait for tomorrow, just to do it all over again.

[luthanraels-bignaturals]

Malving Attic Wife AU

part two

For the first few months, John is pretty depressed about the whole “not being allowed to leave the house” situation, but his lungs are so damaged that he has to take pauses while walking up the stairs. Suffice to say he can’t really force his way out, so he mostly just tearfully begs Malcolm to let him leave

Malcolm is so patient about it, kindly explaining to John why he needs to stay here- He’s still sick. He needs a warm place to recover. The outside world is dangerous and cruel, he needs someone to protect him, to keep him safe from the outside world

Irving has a daily routine he goes through. Wake up, try not to cry, try to force himself out of bed (he’s been so tired lately which doesn’t make sense because Will makes him rest so often), make the bed, on a good day he goes downstairs and polishes the china or tries to cook, on a bad day he’s too busy to go downstairs and dusts, irons, folds clothing sews or paints instead, eventually Elphie gets home, makes John stop doing whatever task he’s on, leads him back to his bed, feeds him dinner (John has learned not to argue that he can hold a spoon himself, Elphie let him try once to ‘prove himself’ and John was so nervous being watched the whole time that he shook from his nerves), after dinner Elphie reads to him, and then joins him in bed

He argues that if John has a nightmare as he frequently does, than there isn’t a chance Malcolm won’t hear. John doesn’t actually mind the physical act of lying so close to his best friend, but the fact that he enjoys it makes him so uncomfortable and ashamed. There’s no circumstance where lying in bed with another man like this would be proper. Seeing Elphie sleeping in bed gives him so many horrible feelings that make him feel sick, but he can never bring himself to ask to sleep alone

So as much as it may seem otherwise, William is a little bit bothered about leaving John locked up and alone all day. Not in a way where he recognizes that what he’s doing is insane or unethical, but in a way where he just doesn’t want John to be so weepy and jittery all the time. He brings a lot of apology gifts home in those early months- a watercolor set, a new book (nothing too unwholesome or sad), treats from the market, etc.

No skin off his back, he loves spoiling John <3

Things carry on like this for a while and then…. ‘the incident’

Malcolm forgets to lock a half-window in the basement and John finds out. He’s convinced that this is going to be his only chance of escape, so he creates a makeshift ladder from books and a chair to climb up and crawl out.

He gets to the window after hours of effort, and he gets his head and arm out by the time the chair leg snaps. Sending him first crashing through the window and then almost nine feet to the floor.

He’s terrified, the ray of hope fading right in front of his eyes. But he’s in so much pain and seriously injured, so he just has to lie on his back crying until he’s too tired to cry anymore and he just whimpers. The books and broken chair are scattered around him, the window is wide open, there’s no way of hiding what he’s done to Malcolm. But it’s still the afternoon, and he lays injured on the floor for hours before Elphie gets home

And get home he does. Malcolm almost works himself into a panic attack when he can’t find John in any of the usual places. Spends a good amount of time frantically searching around the house and shouting his name

When he finally finds him lying there, he’s too scared to be mad about the attempted escape. He holds John as tight as he can as if he’s bleeding out on the artic shale. After a lot of that and a lot more crying he cajoles Irving back to his bed, and as he passes around the sitting room thinking, that’s when he really has ample time to get angry. This is exactly what he knew would happen, he gave John an inch of freedom and he took it and got himself hurt again. He’s been trying to be sweet as he could, he wants nothing less than to make John feel bad intentionally, but he’s going to have to show some tough love

When John wakes up to Malcolm looking right at him from across the room. Not only does he get a shit ton of privledges revoked (access to needles, the letters from his friends, shoes) he’s no longer allowed to leave his room. John starts to loudly protest (in a very Jirving way where he has no expirience telling people what to do and gets nothing done) but William shuts him up in record time by grabbing his wrists and threatening to keep him tied to the bed. Or so drugged on laudnum that he’ll sleep through every day and night

Malcolm makes a bunch of errands that weekend, padlocks, a few bottles of laudnum just in case, sandpaper to get the sharp corners off the furniture, a lead (on a whim, he doesn’t expect to ever use it) But because he does feel pretty bad about Jirv being sad he does buy him a pair of satin gloves. He’ll give them when Johns calmed down a little bit, but he knows they’ll make his beautiful long fingers feel so soft. He doesn’t even realize that they’re women’s gloves until he’s at the teller buying them.

Maybe he takes Jirv over his knee like a misbehaving wife, just for good measure, who knows? He doesn’t try to examine the fact that when people ask him if he has a wife his first instinct is to say yes

tbc I have so many school assignments to take care of, and I really neglected them to post this cause my first attic wife post blew up, so many amazingly disturbing ideas from everyone in the notes, I am forever in your debts. the next update will likely be a loooot darker, fair warning. I’m so insane about this AU :3 thanks for reading!

[jellyj777]

04; Kiss? | THE PATIENT

THE PATIENT | Book | Ch04;Kiss?

JungkookxReader (smut/fluff/angst)

— Falling in love with a patient in an asylum might not be everyone's tea but you had a thing to fix something you never broke at first place.

Words: 4.8k+

TROPES:: One sided hate, Therapist Au.

SYNOPSIS:: —"Don't trust me, Believe in me"

WARNINGS:: Talk about abuse, Violence ahead, explicit language, Anger issues

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Seok: I'm nervous as fuck, Y/N.

Seok: Send help T-T.

You chuckle at the emoticon he used. Silly funny guy.

You: It's not your first time, don't worry too much ffs.

You: Haven't you been doing this for like five years now?

Seok: So?! That doesn't mean I can't get nervous.

There are new interns at our place this for this meeting, like five or six more, definitely more than last time. True. New university students always join to get their internships to become future nurses or doctors but what confuses you is that why is Hoseok nervous?

Out of all the doctors in this place, you have never seen Hoseok nervous before well that is because he never is. He has always presented whenever these meetings happened and he was never nervous. Always smiley with his tone and words.

You: It's not your first time, stop worrying too much. We're all there for you, Seok. I'd be sitting in front.

Seok: You better be ready for my glare.

Seok: I'll be staring at you while explaining the crowd. Makes it easy ^_^

You roll your eyes and swing on the chair with your back slumped against the same, makes you curious of his topic. He didn't talk about it like he always does before the presentation.

You: Whatever, if that helps you then do so.

You: What's your topic anyways? Thought you've been researching for days now.

Seok: Bipolar Disorder

Seok: We got a new patient with it and I researched for the nurses to learn about the symptoms and stuff.

Bipolar Disorder. Good one and would help the nurses to learn more about the disease.

You: Oh that's cool. I'll see you in the meeting room.

You: You got this!!

<Seok liked a message you sent>

Seok: Thxx.

Seok: See u.

Putting your phone down, you get up from your seat to make your way out of the clinic. The clinic named under your name in the hospital designed with little things of yours just for the sake of your own mental health.

It's not easy to work in hospital especially as a nurse or a doctor. Especially when you can get slapped before by a patient, saying by the experience while you were working as a nurse doing mainly your internship. It's only been three years since you became a doctor in your department before that life, as a nurse, it wasn't easy at all.

Being a nurse in a mental hospital can be something which is risky for your own mental health too, you're surely aware of how stressful these types of meetings can be from a doctor's and a nurse's perspective. You remember the time when you were a nurse and Hoseok was one of the doctors back then.

He is always cheerful with the staff (the position of the staff doesn't matter) and made the place better than the emotional hell rollercoaster it was, but it amazes you how Hoseok is such a nice doctor even though he has witnessed a lot of bad stuff happening with his patients, done by the patients themselves.

Hoseok is one strong man that you know. Emotionally of course and on physical matters, it truly depends. You're aware how hard it can be to cope up with a patient's pain. Again, with experience.

He was the patient for you at that time. Left quite an impression on you to be honest.

A shrill like scream echoed in the hallway taking you out of your thoughts. The nurses rush towards the sound of the scream and with a frown, you follow along with the nurses. Not confused, just surprised at the sudden outburst. It wasn't uncommon to hear these types of shrills, screams, cries in the hospital building.

Many patients had different illnesses meaning that they have different hallucinations regarding the same. You walk past Jungkook's room who was looking out of the window with his one hand fiddling with elastic as he stretches the elastic out and another 'pop' sound in the room of his.

The sound of the elastic pop echoes. Not in the room but in his mind. Didn't even pay attention to the scream. Too busy with his own thoughts.

"Shit." You murmur and walk past the nurses to look at one of your patients who was laying on the floor with blood oozing of their wrist. "Bring the medic kit."

One of the nurses nod and rush away to bring the kit. Your hand wrapped around the wrist of the patient, mouth leaving comforting words that everything's gonna be fine.

Ji a. A patient who had ED. Suffered from the societal norms of getting fat-shammed in her early teens now in her late 20s has self-harm as her coping defense mechanism and is suffering from malnutrition.

Her other hand held the butter knife. It's actually phenomenal how some patients have found a way to do self harm without any materials provided to them.

You grab the butter knife and throw it away while one of the nurses clean up the wound and the other injects the injection through her forearm which makes her hiss. Ji a cried loud and clear letting you know she's in pain, in pain with the thing that she caused herself.

"It's fine, everything's gonna be fine..." your voice trails off in Ji a's mind, her head drops with a 'thud' on your lap, eyes closed and all the uneasiness washes away.

With a sigh, you get up after Ji a is safely tucked into bed and one of the helping hands walks in the mop to clean the blood from the floor.

"Doc. Mun, your coat..." The nurse points at your coat which had splash of bloods on it. Would leave a stain for sure but it was nonetheless than unusual. A little stain of blood is something every doctor is used to in here due to some of the patients.

"It's fine," you reassure and shrug it off but speak up again, "but what's not fine is that who forgot the butter knife."

The tension among the nurses infront of you rises as no one answers. "I just want to know who forgot it, no big consequences will be taken. Mistakes are tend to happen." You repeat, wanting the person who left the knife to admit without feeling scared, of course mistakes are tend to happen and a lesson should be taught so that it doesn't occur again.

Finally, a nurse steps in front, someone who you haven't seen before. You tilt your eyebrows upwards with a head tilt. "Was it you?" You ask. She nods.

"Everyone, make sure Ji a is fast asleep and check up the place again," You pause and point at the small closet beside the bed. "Make sure to check the cupboard, under the bed and anything that can help in self-harming should be removed."

The nurses nod and get to work, with squinted eyes you read the new nurse's name 'Sarah'. "And Sarah, please be at my office after checking up."

Sarah nods and waits for you to walk out. With a final look around the room, the other patient looking frightened by the encounter is now being comforted by the nurse. You walk out of the room to change your blood stained coat.

First time this week, new achievement for the year as it's Wednesday and it's only the first time blood got stained on your coat.

After changing your coat in the changing room for staff only, you make your way back to your clinic where Sarah was waiting out looking nervous, her gaze fixed on the pillar in front and wasn't even trying to look for you until your eyes meet. You gesture her to get in to which she nods, passes you a nervous smile, makes you reciprocate with your soft one.

The moment you both step, the awkward silence burns in the air, being the doctor you were and the senior one, it meant you're supposed to start the conversation. "I won't scold you," you start breaking the uneasiness and clear your throat. "Mistakes happen but you should be considerate with the choices you're providing for the patients."

Sarah nods, "I know, I'm so sorry, Doctor Mun. I just got transferred from a hospital to here and it's different. This is not an excuse for my behavior but it won't repeat again."

You're glad she took responsibility for her issue and it's normal to make mistakes. We're all just humans after all. "Um, I didn't know what illness was Ji a suffering from." She murmurs again quietly.

Your eyerbrows crease together, "What do you mean that you're not aware of what Ji a's suffering from?" You ask clearly confused by her statement. How can a nurse who is given a patient can't know the diagnosis of the patient.

"I mean, nobody told me. I'm telling you Doctor Mun, I'm new to the place." She pauses awkwardly fidgeting with her hands before she continues again not sure if the words she'll propose are correct. "I got transferred from a normal hospital with normal patients to this horrendous place."

"Horrendous? Excuse me." You scoff and fold your arms in front of your chest. Calling a helping hospital for patients who did not even want a specific diagnosis horrendous is crazy. This is not the correct vocab you'll use for this place.

At least not horrendous.

Sarah just shrugs her shoulders again looking uncomfortable for this conversation. "I said what I said, it's just new to me" She states again, staying stuck to her ground.

"Listen, I understand it's new to you but you cannot call a hospital — any kind — horrendous. Please improve your vocab cause I won't be tolerating this kind of language in a workplace where we are the helping hands for citizens. Understood?"

She nods, so you continue. "If you find this place being hard for you to handle please transfer to another hospital and the mistake that happened today should not be repeated. If you need any help with knowing some diagnosis, you can always come to my office, got it?"

"Yes, Doctor Mun." She nods again as you gesture her to leave with a small smile which she reciprocates and bows before leaving the room.

The lights shut off in the presentation room with projector being the only source of light at the moment, Hoseok clears his throat with a smile, his eyes the room and ended up landing it at you just like he promised.

"Hello everyone," he starts. "I'm Doctor. Jung for many of you who are new to the department or are doing their internships in here for future doctors or nurses. This is the meeting room where the doctors will knowledge you about general topics which can help you to learn more about the patients, I'll be starting today by talking about Bipolar Disorder as mentioned in the slide of the presentation."

He points at the screen behind him with his hand, there were total of six nurses in the room with three new interns and three doctors including you. You sat beside Dr. Kim, eyes locked in the front with your focus on the presentation.

These meetings are basically for new people in the hospital or even the old nurses who want to learn more about mental health diagnosis. You were basically here to support Hoseok knowing he returns the favor by coming to your presentations too, you already knew about bipolar disorder but supporting your friend is more important in this situation.

"Bipolar disorder is something that society believes into happening with anger issues in someone. Yes, this can be right but there are different types of Bipolar diseases and not all of them occur due to anger issues." Hoseok clicks the 'enter' button on the keyboard as the slide moves to second page with ease.

The second slide contained of three partition graph of types of bipolar diseases; "Bipolar 1 is defined by maniac attacks which are last up to seven days which can severe in many cases leading the patient to be rushed to hospital." He speaks.

"How severe?" The previous nurse, Sarah asks just like before she looked genuinely confused. Not her fault to begin with, she had zero knowledge about mental health and her transfer here is something that is really funny in a way and you're sure Hoseok will give you the tea about her transfer later, that is making you curious in a way now.

"Very, that patients suffering from this specific type of diagnosis go through depressive and maniac attacks altogether." Hoseok replies as Sarah nods her and writes down in her notebook.

"The worst part about this specific type is that the person suffering from it can change their mood from being overly happy which can be included in mania," He points out so that the interns can write down. "and feeling overly down which can be categorized under depressive attacks."

"So, a person can feel happy and sad at the same time?" An intern asks.

"Yes and the emotions of roller coaster is so fast that the person doesn't even what's happening." He nods and moves to another slide, "The worst part is that the emotions of roller coasters are so high that people can even hallucinate or even get delusions."

"Hallucinations and Delusions? Can you give more specific example for this situation?" Sarah asks raising her arm as Hoseok nods back.

"People living with this disease can feel strange sensations like hearing or seeing something that was never there which is also known as hallucinations; They also seem to believe in irrational stuff which may seem irrelevant to other people. Also note down that this usually happens when a person is going through a maniac or depressive episode."

Sarah nods so Hoseok continues, "A person with bipolar may be unaware that they going with a maniac phase or episode which means, they might be shocked after their phase is over or would mainly not believe people that they actually did something like that. It sound surreal to them basically."

A nurse raises her hand as Hoseok points after to speak, "Is there any cure for this? Like fully cure? Can a person live normally again after being diagnosed with this disease?" She asks.

"Unfortunately no, a person cannot live normally again. Bipolar disease is something which is life long and a person will survive basically on meds their whole life. They would also get episodes out of nowhere and that is what the meds help them in." He shifts his weight form one leg to another, "Meds prescribes can help in reducing the hallucinations and helps in balancing out the happiness with sadness in  a person's life."

The next fifteen minutes went by Hoseok answering questions about the diagnosis and went much deeper about this topic. He took the questions and explained thoroughly with a smile and did not get annoyed at basic or even the most obvious questions. Thanks to his six years of training in being a doctor.

He later explained about this new patient who will be transferred here from another hospital next week, the patient was young and that is something uncommon in this specific disorder.

Bipolar can start from the earliest ages in childhood but children are often neglected thinking they are just acting up as kids or even in late 40s with anger and emotions build up. The guy who is being transferred is mere twenty-five and has been admitted since a year now.

"You did great as usual," You smile and pat Hoseok's back who walked beside you, the presentation ended five minutes ago and everyone went back to doing their work.

He shrugs with a proud smirk making you roll your eyes knowing he'll talk about his presentation for the next few hours at this point. He'll point out how good he was while talking about his topic even though this guy was glaring into your soul for the whole time. Was too nervous to even break eye contact. "You know I'm the best."

"Yeah, as if you weren't dyeing in there." You sarcastically comment with a sarcastic smug like smile.

"Ok, bae. I get you're jealous of my speaking skills." He grins walking into your clinic following you behind.

"Fuck off," You laugh and settle back in your chair putting the notes from today on the table, "What's up with the new nurse?"

"Who? Sarah?" He raises his eyebrows settling himself in front of you on the chair. Your hands fiddling on the table with the paperweight, your favorite thing to do in the world besides fixing stuff of course.

You nod, "Yeah, she even forgot butter knife in Ji a's room."

"Oh that was what the scream was about?" He asks, he knew about the patient Ji a, you told him about her condition and everything as he does the same bout his patients. He did in fact heard a scream when he was re-reading his notes for the nth time in front of the mirror but didn't pay much attention knowing it's really common for that to happen.

"Yeah," You reply.

"Hm, Sarah?" He hums again, head tilted upwards thinking about Sarah's transfer. "Oh, she got transferred here from Gwangju district." He answers, eyes back on you as he recalled the talk he had in the morning about new staff.

"Reason?" You raise an eyebrow at him.

"She was like too nice there and got transferred here. Apparently she'll take time with every patient which is a good thing but the amount of staff normal hospital has are less causing the work to be delayed." He answers.

You nod back even though you wanted to scoff at his but now it makes sense why Sarah got transferred here and being honest she doesn't look like the person Hoseok is describing. Maybe you need more time with her to get to know her fully.  

After having a talk with Hoseok for the next fifteen minutes, mostly him breaking down the tea he got from another department. Hosoek got up to leave for his clinic. Says a quick 'see you at lunch' and walks out of the clinic room.

You hum to the jazz music that was playing through the small speaker connected to you and go back to doing your work. The door opening catches you a little off guard cause no nurse was allowed to enter a doctor's clinic without permission. You look up and your eyes meet up with Jungkook who stood there in his hospital pajamas, his expression a little unfocused and haze.

"Jungkook?" You ask, he gulps and walks in the room closing the door behind. This was confusing cause what was he doing here if he's supposed to be in his room.

"I need help." He speaks and takes a seat in front of you. You pause the jazz music quick and look at him with curious yet confused eyes. You don't mean to sound rude but you won't currently be getting paid to listen to his rant but you'll welcome it the most if it meant to help him or any other patients in his position.

"Yes? What is it?" You ask back, focus on him now.

"I did a bad thing." He replies, voice soft and innocent unlike how it usually is.

"A bad thing?" You ask back with a smile keeping calm cause both of you can't be panicking.

He nods, "You know Ji a?" He asks as if you were unaware of her. His choice of question now made you more curious, confused of why he's asking if you know Ji a cause you're basically her caretaker and doctor.

"Yeah, what about her? Did you talk with her today?" You question back with a smile but the frown on your face was opposite from the tone of your voice, happy cause he made a friend, maybe? but he just nods and stays silent. His expression was guilty which made your smile fall getting the sign that it wasn't just a friendly chat.

Silence settle between you two as you wait for him to speak but he avoided your gaze. Okay! the hell you mean he'll walk in firstly without permission and then talk like he did a big ass crime and then not speaking at all. "You can tell me, I won't tell anyone, y'know?" You break the silence slowly with a whisper.

He gulps "She, um, came to me today and started talking." He speaks again trying his best to explain the situation. You nod back showing that you're listening to him and he can continue talking. "She kissed me." Jungkook sighs finally letting it out of his chest, doesn't want to roam around the situation that happened. He didn't fully trust you but believed in you that you won't tell anyone hopefully.

Your eyes widened and eyebrows raised very confused now. His head hung low after his confession thinking he did something bad. "I'm sorry, what?" You ask not quiet believing him.

"Yeah, she, um kissed me and I don't know how but she just came to me and started talking and then the next moment she kissed me." He states, panic filled his voice as he looks up again to meet your not believing gaze.

"So you both kissed?" You ask again, he nods and you nod too. You both are quiet again, silence takes over between you two. You didn't see anything bad in this, they just kissed. What's the bad thing about it? "Can you explain me what happened fully?" You ask.

"She came to me and showed me her wrist when I was going to the washroom. She had like bandage around it and then suddenly she kissed me!" He exclaims.

Okay. So the kiss just didn't happen, it happened without his permission which is crazy. In the three years of being a doctor this is not the first time you're hearing about a patient kissing the other, both of them haven't felt intimacy for years now. Longer for Jungkook more than it was for Ji a. You've found patient even fucking in the field so this wasn't the craziest thing you ever heard. What was crazy though that it was out of Jungkook's consent.

"You didn't wanted to kiss her?" You ask and he shakes his head proving that he in fact did not wanted to kiss Ji a. "So, why'd you think that you did the bad thing? You did nothing bad in this." You speak, tone soft keeping up with your phycology major. Thanks to the university teacher who made you find calm in any situation. Periodt. 

"I don't know but I didn't wanted to kiss her," He tried to explain shifting uncomfortably in his seat. It was clear sign that he didn't wanted to kiss Ji a but he wasn't sure how to say that in words.

"Uncomfortable?" You ask.

"Yeah, uncomfortable, it was out of nowhere and it fet so uneasy, more uneasy than the injections you guys give." He murmurs, nibbling on his lower lip.

"I'm sorry that happened, I'll talk Ji a and this would never happen again." You apologize, "Are you okay?"

He hesitates but nods; "I just... it's been a long time since I kissed someone or someone kissed me and it was a bit weird too."

"How long, hm? I'm so sorry, Jungkook that this happened to you. I promise this won't happen again." You murmur, a lump stuck jn your throat as you swallow. The feeling Jungkook must've felt must've been crazy to be honest and it was making you vulnerable even when you're thinking about it.

You're aware that Ji a is one of the patients and must have not been in her right mindset while doing something so serious. None of this excuses her behavior though, the way she luntched on Jungkook was clearly a sexual assault; doesn't matter if it was a small one.

"I don't like all this touching stuff," Jungkook declares hoping you'd understand his inability of being comfortable with touches. "And I haven't kissed anyone in a while so it really took me by surprise." He explains.

"I'll make sure it never happens again, Jungkook." You state with confident, this thing happening once was a big shock to you so it happening twice will be a big disappointment in it's own.

He nods, he believes you at least tries to you knowing you always stuck to your words. He gets up and was about to leave but stops in his tracks.

"Can I ask a favour, Doc?" He asks.

"Of course, anything. What is it?" You raise your eyebrows at him, now standing up from your chair so that you can drop Jungkook off to his room.

"Is there any way my room can be near your office?" He questions, voice low and slow almost a whisper. He said it as if it was a crime.

"Give me a second," You bite your bottom lip and bend down towards your computer to check if there's any rooms available nearby your clinic. "Hm, there's one room that was being renovated but it will take time."

He shrugs his shoulders, "I'm fine with the time taking, I just want to near your clinic so that I feel safe."

"Um, okay, I'll talk with someone and try my best to get you the room," You smile, standing up straight again. "Until then, just try to contact me or the nurses if something like this happens again."

He nods and walks out of your clinic with you behind him. The conversation towards his room was basically about his daily routine, about what he's eating nowadays or if he wants to try some new food or even fruits like last time. You got the feeling that he was still affected by the situation with Ji a which was quiet surprising cause Ji a has never thrown herself on to people moreover to kiss them.

She was very insecure about her looks, something that someone should not be but speaking generally out of her results, she was basically afraid to show herself to people. These fears led her to isolate herself from others, feeling conscious whenever someone looks at her, became a picky eater too.

You tried your best to make Jungkook feel safe, even if it was just a little. The effort put by you is enough to be noticed by Jungkook.

"Doc?" He starts, now sitting on his bed while you pour a cup of water for him and hum back to his questioning voice to answer. "Will you actually change my room?" He asks, yet again, a little conflicted and hesitant with his questions.

"I will try to, Jungkook." You hand him the glass of water, at least you'll try to change his room. If being honest, if not by you, you'll probably text another doctor in the department.

He nods and drinks his water; the tattoos on his arm were visible. Few inked tats here and there, to be honest, nobody knew what these tattoos on his right arm means. He never explained it to anyone; not even his friends or family or even the trusted doctors in the previous asylum and hospital he stayed at.

You'd love to ask him about the tattoos but that would be crossing the line. His tattoos were something which were present nowhere, not the documents, previous therapy sessions. Nothing.

"I'll let you know by tomorrow, okay?" You murmur, he nods in return before putting the now empty glass on the table beside his bed.

After making sure that he was all calm now, looked safe and after your reassurance he probably felt safe too. You leave the room quietly and the first thing that comes in your mind is CCTV footage. It's not like you didn't trust Jungkook. No. It's more like you wanted a reassurance yourself or confirmation if said in terms.

Seok: Wya?

You: Surveillance room; r you done with work?

Seok: Yea, lol.

Seok: Whatu doing there? 

Obvious question from an obvious guy. You rest your head on the table, cheek pressed with the table while your left hand angled and also pressed on the table to the side with your phone in your hand.

You: Getting some tea :P

Seok: Stopppp, actually?!?

The reaction was so expected. You chuckle and sit up after seeing the notification pop up on top of Hoseok's message.

You: Gonna tell you tom, gtg, Kim's calling !!

Seok: C'monnn don't leave me hanging :(

wattpad:CH04 (read on wattpad)

A/N:

taglist; @seokout @khadeeeeej @bybyash ‘to be added in the taglist : 🏷️’

thank you for supporting 'TP' or 'THE PATIENT' ! Here's an update after so long; I got so busy with my life :<. Anyways, love you and have an amazing day ! This chapter is the longest i’ve wrote till now and i got too lazy to even edit it cuz too much reading and i’ve re-read it a millions times already lol, should i post the smut taexreader that wasn’t written in chap 3 or not!?

[ray935sworld]

A kid's soulmate

(Marcmarc/ implied Lucalex - soulmate AU) Part 1

10.12 Winter writing

Everyone got a mark at some point of their life. It was a small tattoo, some kind of drawing.

People called it the soulmark. It appears when the other soulmates soul was born on both their skin.

Either they are born with it, if the soulmate is older than them or they get it at a later point of their life, in which case the soulmate is younger.

The first time Marc actually learned about that was on 10th of August 1997.

He had been playing with Alex. He was rustling a toy in front of the little ones face. Alex was laughing, giggling. His little hand were trying to reach for it. He made grabby hands and Marc smiled about his little brother.

He loved seeing him like that. He loved that he could make him happy and laughing and that there was not a care in the world for them.

But suddenly Alex stopped.

Mis movement froze. His smile faded and the glim in his eyes disappeared. Instead he got tears in his eyes and suddenly started to press his tiny hand on his chest. It all happened in the span of a few seconds.

He started to cry and scream. It was loud and hurt in his ears. It hurt in his heart. He didn't like seeing Alex like that or hearing his pain. It was cruel.

He just wanted to protect him and make sure he was happy and safe. He wanted to wrap him in a blanket and never grow up.

But right now Marc was panicking. He would never forget seeing Alex suddenly like that. He was obviously in pain but there was no real explanation.

He hadn't been hit. He hadn't been fallen. There was no reason for the sudden pain. There was no sign why he was in pain and therefore there was nothing that he could do.

"Alex!" he gasped shuffling close to hug him. He felt Alex reach for him, pulling him closer as he continued to cry.

"Alex, what's going on? What's- Are you in pain?" The boy just cried more and nodded against his chest.

"Okay. Okay, don't worry. MAMA! HELP! MAMA! ALEX IS IN PAIN! HELP!" he yelled at the top of his lunges despite already hearing their mother hurry towards them.

"Alex, Marc, what's going on?" she asked as she sat down next to them. "Marc, what happened?"

"I don't know!" the older boy almost sobbed himself. "He just started crying and holding his chest." "Auuuuuuaaaaa!" the younger one whined.

"Okay, okay, let me see" Roser said as she carefully lifted her babies shirt.

A few seconds passed.

"OH my baby" she whispered. "Oh dear, your soulmate is born." "Egh?" Marc asked confused and even little Alex looked confused. But he was just over a year old so he often looked irritated.

"Mama, what does that mean?" Marc asked while Roser picked up Alex to calm him with some cuddles.

"Do you see this?" she asked and showed Marc a small spot on Alex chest. It was a blue dot that was literally forming infront of their eyes.

"That's his soulmark. It appears on your skin when your soulmate is born." "But... I don't have one." Marc whispered.

He looked down with a sad expression. He had heard his parents talk about being soulmates and soulmates in general, then wishing that their boys soulmate would be good people.

Even at just 4 years old he understood the concept of love and being connected by soul. It was intimate and sweet. He thought of it as innocent. He didn't yet got the whole concept but he had a rough understand and he understood why it was desirable.

And he really wanted one. He wanted to get to know them. Soon. Quick. But now he realized that his soulmate didn't even existed.

"Marc, no." Roser said smiling, pulling him close. "My sweet darling, it's normal to not yet have your mark. It just means your soulmate isn't born yet. And you're only 4. There is nothing to worry about."

"But I want to get to know them!" he said and made a little stomp. "I guess you have to be very patient. Just like Alex. Even if his soulmate is born, that doesn't mean he will meet them soon. He will grown up and meet them one day. Just like you."

"But... But I want to get to know them now. Why can't I spent my whole life with them? Why wait?" "Sadly it doesn't quite work that way." she said laughing.

Alex had calmed down a little. He was still holding on to their mother and sniffing slightly.

Marc kept thinking about his soulmate. He still pouted. He wanted to meet his soulmate. He wanted to get to know whoever it was. Even if they weren't even born yet.

"They should hurry" he whispered but he knew he had to wait. And he would wait, very patiently.

He had to wait. Over a year he had to wait. He was in pre school on a Thursday when suddenly a pain started in his leg.

He let out a breath as his hand touched the place. At first he thought it might just be a sore muscle from riding his bike. But he knew that pain too well to not recognize it.

And the pain wasn't the same.

It felt different. It wasn't painful. More like a strong tingling sensation. There was warmth coming from it. He swallowed hard when he suddenly realized what it was.

He was grinning like a cat as he quickly raised his hand.

"Senora may I go to the toilet please?" he asked and after the confirming nod, he stood up, left the room and ran to the restroom.

He immediately checked his leg. And there it was. On his thigh there was a bright brown dot slowly forming. It already had a few edges and curves.

He tilted his head, trying to guess what it was supposed to be symbolizing.

Alex had gotten a beautiful blue bird, with maybe details. It would grow with Alex and one day he would find a person that had the same bird on his chest. Just like him.

And Marc would find a person that would have the same symbol on his thigh as he did. And that person was born today.

With that thought he happily went back to his class. From that day onwards he often thought about his soulmate. How old they now were and what they might be doing. And every year he thought about them on their birthday, celebrating it with them in silence.

Every year on the 12th of November.

Part 2

Soulmate AU

[demigod-shenanigans]

Love will run deep like hurt runs out

Summary: Jason is sick. Being an ex-praetor, champion of Juno, son of Jupiter, he’s pretty sure that isn’t allowed.

Leo is dealing with some residual limb pain. After roughly three and a half months of this nonsense, he’s forced to admit that that’s maybe a little more allowed than he’d like it to be. Not while he’s trying to take care of his sick boyfriend, though.

Word count: 10.5k

Rating: Teen and Up

Current last part of this little AU and also the only one of my currently completed valgrace/HoO fics I hadn’t cross-posted to tumblr yet! This part is the longest by a lot, lmao. Can be read separately of the other fics!

I used the valgrace week assurance prompt a while back to finally get myself to finish it, and I ended up having a lot of fun with this! Something something Jason and Leo are both terrible patients and massive hypocrites. Also something something couples mutually comforting each other. Truly ridiculous amounts of physical affection in this one, these boys are unbearable about each other actually and I love them so much.

Also, to avoid confusion: should be pretty clear where it happens since it’s marked differently from the other scene changes but the fic starts out as a Jason POV and switches to Leo partway through!

———

Jason woke up drenched and freezing in the middle of the night. This would have been surprising, at least sort of, considering Camp Half-Blood wasn’t supposed to have weather, but his father had been in a mood lately, so it was less of a surprise than he wished. He just hoped it was something the gods could figure out among themselves for once, and not a sign someone was about to be sent on another deadly mission with the world at stake.

There was a part of Jason that wanted to just turn around and go back to sleep, but he knew that wasn’t a feasible solution, no matter how much he liked sleeping in the grass at the edge of the woods when he was feeling anxious.

It had been a bad week, as far as nightmares went, but this had helped a little—had soothed a childish instinct in him that had learned to feel at home in the wilderness. One that had known once he’d proven himself to Lupa, the pack would protect him. He was safe.

He hoped he’d proven himself to Camp Half-Blood, after everything.

But he really couldn’t stay out here with the weather like this. He’d been feeling a little off for days, and he couldn’t afford to get sick right now. There were things to be done. The permanent housing they were trying to establish for adult demigods who wanted to stay at Camp Half-Blood long-term wasn’t going to build itself. So he shook himself awake and got up.

He was covered in mud, but with the amount it was raining, that would probably resolve itself by the time he got back to his cabin. Because he would have to go back there, even if being watched by a stern statue of his father as he struggled to fall asleep didn’t exactly help his anxiety.

He could have been running back to the cabin to get out of the rain faster, but with how drenched he already was, he figured it didn’t really matter. He was too groggy for a decent run, anyway, and he really didn’t need to slip in the wet grass and concuss himself again. With his luck, Leo had been right about the existence of an angry Roman god of head injuries.

Jason didn’t go back to his cabin. He didn’t register where he was heading until he was already there, wet clothes dripping all over the floor of the forge. 

It might have been the middle of the night, but Leo was still up, working on what Jason assumed to be a replacement part for Festus. There had been a lot of those lately, as Leo tried to figure out what was causing the misfire issues. He hadn’t been able to actually resolve them yet, but he was pretty enthusiastic about it, and Festus seemed thrilled with all the attention and Tabasco sauce he’d been getting.

Jason meant to say something when he entered, but Leo seemed so utterly absorbed in his work that for a moment, Jason was transfixed just watching his boyfriend’s practiced motions, hammering away on heated metal, changing the shape only slightly until he got it just right. 

Jason had seen the gods do impossible things before, but this—the way Leo could create anything he set his mind to, from small toys to replacement parts for giant metal dragons to a trireme they’d spent several weeks living in—was a different kind of magic, and one he’d never grow tired of watching. 

Leo turned to grab a tool off the workbench and noticed him. He yelped, almost jumping out of his chair.

“Gods, Jase, I thought you were a swamp monster for a second,” he said, eyes wide. “You can’t sneak up on me like that! What if I’d decided to blast fire first and ask questions later?”

“At least that might have dried my clothes?” Jason suggested, rubbing at his face. His throat felt weird when he spoke. His voice sounded a little off. “Sorry for sneaking up on you. Too tired to think.”

“Which brings me to my next set of questions: why are you up, and why are you drenched? Did you piss off the naiads or something?”

Leo had put the small hammer he’d been holding back on the workbench, and now Jason had his undivided attention. It was a completely stupid reaction in this particular context, but having Leo look at him like that still made his face feel hot. In the best possible way, undivided attention from Leo was something Jason would absolutely never get used to.

“I didn’t sleep great, so I got back up,” he said, not technically lying but not really telling the truth, either. He moved closer to Leo. The heat from the forge helped, but the shivering was far worse than he’d realized. He let himself sink to the floor, pressing his eyes closed for a moment. He felt off. “As for your second question: have you looked outside lately?”

The forge had been built to be partially open, which was the only reason most people were able to breathe in here, and also meant you had an excellent view of the ongoing rainstorm.

This should have made it impossible to miss, but Leo blinked, confused, like he’d only just realized what was going on outside.

“Oh shit, we’ve got weather.”

“Yeah.” Jason sighed. “My father is apparently having a bad time and decided everyone else also needs to have a bad time.”

“That sounds like him.” Leo shook his head. “I didn’t even notice.”

“Not surprised. You seemed really absorbed when I got here.” Jason shrugged. “Not like I’m any better. Pretty sure if a building collapsed around me while I was sketching, I wouldn‘t realize until one of the rafters hit me in the head.”

“Sparky, we talked about this. No tempting the head injury deities,” Leo joked, looking him over. “How did you get this muddy on a five minute walk?”

“I didn’t.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’ve had a few bad nights. Sleeping outside helps.”

“And here I thought one of my foster siblings waking me with a wet washcloth to the face was a dick move. You got a whole storm.” Leo might still have been joking, but there was an anxious edge to it now. He kneeled down next to Jason and pressed a hand to his face, eyes wide with alarm. “You’re freezing. It’s mid-December, Jason. Were you trying to compete with Khione for icicle of the year?” 

His hand was so warm that Jason wanted to melt into him. 

The words “you’re hot” were out of his mouth before his brain could fully register what he was saying. 

Leo grinned. “Yeah, I know, but it’s nice to be appreciated. C’mere, let’s get you warmed up.”

He wrapped around Jason, everything but his prosthetic leg slowly growing warm in a controlled burst of heat. After a moment of this, Jason’s clothes began to feel more moist than soaked, and the cold that had been seeping into his bones subsided. He still didn’t feel great, but he could have stayed like this forever, warm and comfortable and safe in a way he rarely felt. In a way he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt around anyone but Leo.

He had no idea how to express that, though—not even when he wasn’t sleep deprived and his head wasn’t spinning. In the current situation, all his brain unhelpfully supplied was “radiator boyfriend. Neat.”

It was stupid, and not at all what he’d meant to say, but Leo was laughing, so maybe he’d done something right. The laugh was a noise and a feeling with the way Leo was holding him. Jason’s limbs felt like pudding, and he knew it wasn’t just because of the warmth.

“I know, I know, you’ve got so much to brag about.” Leo was beaming. He was gorgeous, and also significantly blurrier than he’d been a moment ago. “Now we’re both nice and muddy, but at least you’re dry.”

“Mm.” Dry or not, Jason didn’t want to let go yet. “Do I win?”

Leo blinked. “What?”

“The icicle thing,” Jason said, and his boyfriend’s expression shifted again. Leo’s eyebrows drew together in something that was probably concern. Jason wasn’t entirely sure—mostly because the image was still swimming. That… probably wasn’t good. 

“Yeah. Always. No competition.” Leo pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You’re really out of it, hm?”

“I feel weird,” Jason admitted reluctantly. “It’s probably nothing.”

This was made slightly less convincing by the fact that he finished this sentence off with a coughing fit.

“Yeah, you’re sick. Garbage combo with being sleep-deprived and getting drenched, in my experience. You need to be inside, in a bed, like, three days ago.”

“Is time travel something you’re working on?”

“Obviously. What, did you think I was kidding all those times I talked about wanting to go back in time to kick my own ass?” Leo joked, but it was obvious his heart wasn’t in it. He kept looking at Jason like he was an unstable machine about to fall to bits. “Do you think you can get up?”

“Yeah,” Jason said, trying and failing to push himself up on his elbows. His head hurt, and his limbs still felt like pudding. “Actually, maybe I need a moment.”

“That’s fine,” Leo said, with an expression that didn’t fit the statement even slightly. “I need to get everything shut down, anyway. Just don’t fall asleep on me here. I do not feel like draggingyou all the way inside.”

~~~

Jason felt more relieved than he cared to admit that by inside, Leo meant the Hephaestus cabin and not taking him back to the Zeus cabin he’d avoided sleeping in for the past few days. Partially because he really didn’t feel like being scrutinized by his father’s statue now any more than he had a few hours ago, and partially because even after the full fifteen minutes of break he’d gotten while Leo took care of things at the forge, he genuinely wasn’t sure he could have made it all the way there.

He was exhausted and dizzy, and it was obvious enough that Leo kept anxiously joking about handing over his crutches.

The rain had stopped just as abruptly as it had started, but the cold wind didn’t seem to be going anywhere. In his infinite, severely addled wisdom, Jason tried to get it to die down himself, but all that achieved was almost making him black out on the spot, and the wind just seemed to target him more viciously afterwards.

It was a fairly short walk, but by the time they got inside Jason felt like an icicle all over again, despite Leo’s attempts to stay close and radiate warmth the whole way.

Leo had a nice room—cluttered and cozy and without any looming statues of his father standing over him as he slept. The walls were plastered with blueprints, written-on and covered in sticky notes. There were several layers of them, and even the top layer ones were partially covering each other because Leo had run out of space. In a few spots, pictures of their friends poked out from under the rolled-up edges of blueprints or had been pinned neatly to those that weren’t currently in use. The bedside table was a mess of several unfinished projects, and it was kind of a miracle it hadn’t broken down under the weight yet.

Jason liked being here. It was one of the few places in camp that actually felt private. 

All the clutter had made him anxious at first. Even without his memories, he hadn’t been able to shake the Roman discipline that had been trained into him since early childhood.

But being around Leo meant chaos, and Jason had learned that was a good thing, more often than not. There was a kind of chaos that was terrifying, and there was a kind that made him feel alive, thrumming heartbeat and all. This kind of chaos was homey and lived-in and welcoming, in a way the Zeus cabin could never be. It didn’t feel like Jason had to carve out a space for himself here. It was already there—provided he didn’t mind accidentally sitting on a wrench every now and again.

The bed was small, which meant every time they had a movie night, they were squeezed tightly next to each other. Which, looking back on it, was maybe part of the reason they’d had so many of those even before they’d started dating. 

Right now, Jason was mostly just relieved to be sitting down. The world grew a little less hazy.

“You want tea or something to get warmed up? I’d offer you cocoa, but I don’t think there’s enough sugar at camp for the amount you usually put in there,” Leo teased, sitting down next to him.

Jason immediately melted back into him, wrapping his arms around Leo’s back and pressing his face to his boyfriend’s warm cheek. 

“Sure, or you could go ahead and leech all my warmth without asking,” Leo laughed, upping his body temperature a bit more. “Is this good? Anything else you need from me or am I fully replaceable by a portable heater?” 

“You’re perfect. I love you.” 

It felt impossible how easy that was to say, considering it was only the second time, and Jason hadn’t even said it out loud the first time.

Leo’s body temperature went up more, like a full body blush. Not that Jason was complaining.

“Flirting with a heater is a little weird, Superman,” Leo joked. “But hey, you didn’t even make any typos this time.”

“In my defense, I’m both dyslexic and suck at Morse code,” Jason laughed. He was pretty sure he was smiling like an idiot. He was also pretty sure he didn’t care. “Besides, you liked it.”

“You wish,” Leo replied, soft and fond. He shifted so he could wrap his warm arms around Jason again. “Love you, too.”

Leo had tapped out the words against the table at breakfast absent-mindedly a week and a half ago. Jason hadn’t understood what it meant, just that it was probably Morse code, and Leo had refused to tell him when asked, but he’d blushed so furiously that his head ended up on fire, which got the message across, anyway.

Jason had IMed Annabeth after and asked her to teach him, then practiced for three days because he really wanted to get it right.

He’d still managed to mess up at the end because he’d gotten nervous, spelling out “kof” instead of “you”, but he hadn’t had time to feel embarrassed about it. Leo had looked at him, wide-eyed, then beamed at him like he was the sun and kissed him, only stopping when he realized he was starting to burn a handprint into Jason’s shirt. 

Maybe it had been too soon by regular mortal standards—Jason never could figure those things out, it wasn’t like he’d ever had much of a shot at a normal life—but demigod lives were short and they’d both already had one brush with death. Some things just weren’t worth the risk of waiting.

“Sorry for dragging so much mud into your room, by the way,” Jason sighed, halfway muffled by Leo’s warm shoulder.

His boyfriend snorted. “Oh yeah, because we both know I’m infamous for my clean room and even cleaner clothes. I’m basically obligated to break up with you now.” He gestured at the general chaos of the room, then down at himself, covered in oil and soot where he hadn’t absorbed Jason’s dried mud. “Pretty sure we both need a shower, but you don’t look like you’re getting back up. I can at least steal you some clean clothes from one of my siblings, since unfortunately I do actually have to shower before bed.”

“That can't wait until tomorrow?” Jason asked, not wanting to let go.

Leo sighed. “I wish. There are some unfortunate downsides to getting your leg chewed off—yeah, I know, who’d’ve thought. One of them is that if I try to skip my evening routine or shower in the morning, my stump is going to be a whiny nightmare about it.” He rolled his eyes. “Turns out I can set the whole thing on fire and that’s fine, but sometimes I’ll have swelling issues over warm water—because that makes sense. It would be kind of funny if it wasn’t so annoying.”

“Trials and tribulations of being a demigod,” Jason replied, trying to keep the mood light, because even with his brain full of fog, he knew Leo, and knew he still got anxious talking about this. “We should really get our money back.”

Hell, Jason felt like a terrible boyfriend for all the things he didn’t know Leo had to do differently since he’d lost part of his leg, but the only tidbits of information Leo had volunteered were shared through jokes, and pushing him when he wasn’t ready wouldn’t have been fair orproductive, no matter how much Jason wanted to help.

“Yeah, tell me about it. But whatever. I’ll get the hang of it eventually.” Leo smiled at him. “I have to make sure you’re properly warmed up before I leave, though. You gonna be alright here on your own? Need me to tuck you in?” It was only half-teasing.

Jason just sighed and let his head drop back onto his boyfriend’s warm shoulder.

~~~

Jason missed Leo’s warmth immediately. He changed into the borrowed pajamas his boyfriend had tossed at him on his way out, which took way longer than he cared to admit. Then he curled up under the blanket. He was immediately hit with an overwhelming sense of exhaustion, the heaviness in his limbs growing worse now that he was lying down. His head hurt.

He changed positions several times, pulling the blanket tighter around himself, but it didn’t really help.

He stared at the ceiling and tried to get his mind to stop racing. Despite how tired he was, sleep seemed impossible. Since getting back, it was like he’d been waiting for the next thing to go awry, keeping himself busy so he couldn’t think too much about whatever that next thing would be. At night, these thoughts were much harder to push away.

He should have been used to them by now, but he couldn’t deal with the nightmares, either. Lately, he’d had so many where all he could ever seem to do was watch. Watch as people got hurt and died around him during the battle of Mount Othrys. Watch Reyna fall several meters down the side of a mountain, unable to catch her because he couldn’t waste the opening she’d given him against Krios. Watch as a fight broke out between both Camps he called home, unable to stop it. Watch as they were nearly overrun by monsters because he wasn’t Roman enough for the undead legion to consider him a leader. Watch Leo turn himself into an inferno to stop Gaia, unsure if there would be anything left of him to revive.

Some hero he was.

Gaia was gone. Jason wasn’t having visions of terrible things that would happen in the future. But he didn’t feel calm or peaceful. He’d spent so much of his life fighting that he wasn’t sure he’d ever known what being at peace felt like.

Time seemed to pass in slow motion. Jason tried not to think, which was about as successful as one might expect.

By the time Leo got back, he’d worked himself into such an anxiety frenzy that when Leo flopped down on the bed, Jason accidentally gave him an electric shock.

“Ow! You don’t need to take the Sparky nickname so literally, you know.” The mattress moved next to Jason, and he briefly wondered if Leo had decided it wasn’t worth the risk of actually sharing the bed and was getting back up, but then his boyfriend’s hand was moving soothingly up and down his arm. “You good?”

“Yeah. Sorry. Still a little cold, but not sure what that was for.”

In another pointless attempt to get comfortable, Jason had moved to face the wall, so he was currently staring intently at blueprints for some sort of multi-functional weapon—a two-handed sword that could be transformed into a large shield, by the looks of it—instead of looking at Leo. It felt easier that way. If he’d been facing his boyfriend, Leo would probably be able to see how close he was to having a nervous breakdown, and then Jason would have to explain, and he didn’t want to explain. He didn’t want to make himself an even bigger burden than he already was. 

Jason was supposed to be a leader, for gods’ sake. He’d been in this life so much longer than anyone else he knew. He was supposed to be able to handle these things.

“Well, luckily for you, cold is something I’m an expert at fixing,” Leo announced, squeezing his shoulder. “Now scoot over, you’re hogging like three-quarters of my bed.”

It took Jason an embarrassing amount of effort to move. His limbs felt like they were made out of celestial bronze. Once he’d semi-successfully managed it, Leo wrapped around him, which made the effort more than worth it. 

Jason could feel himself trembling against his boyfriend’s warmth. He knew it was more than just the cold—his anxiety made him feel just about ready to vibrate out of his skin. But he closed his eyes and tried to focus on Leo’s breaths, the way his chest rose and fell against his back, and it helped him get a handle on his own breathing. That was good. He really didn’t want to give Leo another shock by accident.

“You sure you’re okay?” Leo asked quietly. He sounded worried. Jason hated making him worry.

He was going to reply, but instead he just burst into another coughing fit, which wasn’t quite the answer he’d wanted to give.

“Sorry. Stupid question.” Leo moved his arm away from Jason’s chest. “You want me to wake Will? Oh, or I could get Kayla. Her sleep schedule is pretty shitty. She might still be up.”

“How do you even know that?”

“Amputee privileges. I spend so much time in the infirmary that I get inside scoop.” Jason could hear the grin in his boyfriend’s voice. “So, you know, might as well abuse those privileges for your sake while I’m at it.”

“No, that’s okay.” Jason took the arm Leo had been moving and pulled it back to its previous spot. “I think I just want to sleep.”

“Fine.” Leo moved his head, adjusting it against the back of Jason’s neck. His curls tickled a little. “I’m warning you, though, if you get any worse, I’m contractually obligated to drag you to the infirmary. If you have an issue with that, that’s on you for not reading the boyfriend fine print.”

Jason snorted. “You’re terrible.”

“I live to annoy and be your personal heat lamp, in that order.” Leo squeezed Jason’s hand. “Speaking of, is this okay? I could go warmer, but you’re not as cold as earlier, and I should probably save some of my hotness for daytime hours.”

“It’s perfect.”

Sleep came impossibly easy, with Leo wrapped around him like this, radiating warmth. 

And even more impossibly, for once Jason didn’t dream.

~~~

Jason woke up feeling worse. His throat felt like someone had sandblasted it, his head hurt like hell and he was exhausted, despite having slept for most of the night.

Right. Nothing a little ambrosia couldn‘t fix.

He blinked a few times, taking in his surroundings in utter confusion. He was lying on his back. He distantly remembered waking at one point throughout the night to find Leo sprawled halfway across him, but the comforting weight was gone from his chest now.

The bed had folded back out of Leo’s tiny room into the bigger Hephaestus cabin, which was currently pretty much deserted, except for Leo and, for some reason, Will Solace, who was standing next to the bed with a breakfast tray.

“Huh?” Jason rubbed at his eyes, trying to make sense of the scene through the haze in his head. Light streamed in through the windows, much too bright for the early morning wake-up time Jason had rarely been able to shake due to his childhood at Camp Jupiter. “What time is it?”

His raw throat didn’t really like him speaking very much.

“You slept through breakfast. Not too surprising, considering you look about as alive as you did the time you got incinerated by Hera and you spent like half the night-” Leo paused, wincing when Jason burst into a coughing fit. He moved to sit next to him on the bed and pat his arm gently, which did absolutely nothing except feel kind of nice. “-doing exactly that.”

“Okay, but what’s with the food?” Jason asked once his body would let him, gesturing vaguely in the direction of Will, who was setting down the tray on the weirdly empty bedside table.

“I spent about an hour making a mess of Chiron’s kitchen to cook you something. Sick people privileges and stuff. If anyone asks about broken mugs in the next few days, play dumb.” Leo was clearly going for careless nonchalance, but Jason could hear a twinge of annoyance in his voice. “Crutches are seriously inconvenient sometimes.”

“I had to have a conversation with him about pushing himself beyond his recovery timeline and trying to carry things around without his crutches while we’re still working on his balance,” Will commented, glaring at Leo in the worried doctor way that all Apollo kids seemed to inherit. “Especially when it made sense for me to come along to check on you, anyway.”

“You okay?” Jason asked worriedly, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. Leo felt kind of cold, which would have been alarming, except Jason wasn’t sure how much of that was his own body being seriously out of whack.

“Nope, nice try, but I’m the one fussing over you right now. Speaking of-” Leo turned back to Will, whose expression had softened, “I’m shit at normal human body temperatures, being the fire guy and all, but I’m pretty sure he’s running a fever.”

“Yeah, I’m absolutely putting him on bed rest,” Will said, pressing a hand to Jason’s face.

Unlike Leo’s, Will’s hand was icy. Jason shivered and tried to pull away.

“Cold.”

“No, not even a little cold. Leo’s right about the fever,” Will concluded, thankfully removing his freezing hand from Jason’s face. “Flu. Nothing a few days of rest won’t fix, but I’ll get you something to help with the cough.”

Jason opened his mouth to protest—there were things to be done, he couldn’t just leave everyone else to do all the work, especially not for several days—but the only thing he managed was another lengthy, painful coughing fit.

“Hey look, even your body could tell you were about to say something stupid,” Leo teased, doing a terrible job of hiding the concern on his face. “You wanna try and at least drink something to make your throat feel a little less like shit? I get it if you're not hungry. I wasn’t sure what you’d feel like having, so I… may have gone a little overboard.”

He was seriously underselling it. He’d brought water and tea and orange juice. Food-wise, there was a plate of cut-up fruit, plain toast, scrambled eggs and some sort of soup that was still steaming and smelled great.

Jason’s throat went tight.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but just making food appear out of thin air felt like cheating, and I’m not gonna start half-assing the boyfriend thing already. I haven’t even had the job for that long. It’s too soon for me to start slacking off.”

“I’m not really hungry, but water sounds okay. The food looks amazing, though. I’ll eat something in a bit,” Jason promised, struggling to find the words to express just how grateful he was that Leo would do this for him. He moved to sit up. “It’s already pretty late, and I said I’d help with the roofing, so I should just take a bit of ambrosia and get on that. With how much it rained last night-”

The world tilted horribly, and if it hadn’t been for Leo reaching out to steady him, Jason was pretty sure he would’ve toppled sideways off the bed.

“Sometimes I know exactly why you’re friends with Nico.” Will may have been terribly blurry, but Jason could still tell he had one hand pressed to his forehead in annoyance. “Ambrosia is for missions and emergencies. You not wanting to let yourself rest is not an emergency. I can give you a bit to help manage the symptoms, but you still need to take a few days off and give your body a break. You’re exhausted. The ambrosia won’t fix that.”

“I can still do this,” Jason insisted, trying to fight the growing panic in his chest. He had to earn his place here. He had to contribute. He’d known since he was a young child that showing weakness was a mistake he couldn’t afford to make. “I need to do this.”

He moved towards the edge of the bed, vertigo be damned, and it took a tremendous effort to untangle himself from the blankets. For a moment he thought his glasses were fogging up at the edges—then he remembered he’d left his glasses in the Zeus cabin yesterday. The thing going foggy was his eyesight.

It didn’t matter. He needed to get up.

Before he could try, his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around him from the side.

“Hey, Superman, that’s enough.” Leo didn’t sound like this a lot—strict and decisive and genuinely a little mad. It made Jason stop in his tracks. “Camp won’t fall apart if you don’t work yourself half to death for a few days. I’ve been dead, okay? It’s seriously overrated, trust me.”

“But-”

“Jase, look at me. Breathe. You’re okay.” Leo’s voice had softened. One arm was still wrapped around Jason. The other had moved up to his head, fingers combing through his damp hair. “Stop being an idiot and don’t force your amputee boyfriend to figure out how to scrape you off the floor after you inevitably faint and hit your head, yeah?”

Leo looked terribly worried, and Jason knew he was actively making it worse. It made him feel awful. 

After another moment of hesitation, he allowed himself to collapse against his boyfriend, exhausted and dizzy and with a horrible ache in his chest. “I’m sorry.”

Leo exhaled audibly into his hair.

“Yeah, I can’t believe you’d get sick on purpose just to make me worry. That was such a dick move, dude,” he said sarcastically, then pressed a kiss to Jason’s head. “Lie back down, please?”

A part of Jason was still protesting, but he felt incredibly off and it was impossible to tell Leo “no” when he looked at him like that.

He let himself sink back onto the mattress, which at least made the room stop spinning.

“Happy now?”

“Yeah, yeah, gold star for not being a complete dumbass.” Jason could hear the smile in his voice. “Do you want a sticker or something?”

“Can you just put your hand back in my hair? That felt really nice.”

“Still here by the way,” Will said awkwardly, and Jason could feel his cheeks growing even warmer because he actually had forgotten about Will. “Doesn’t look like I’m needed anymore, though. I’ll go grab some meds.” He turned to Leo. “Make sure Jason drinks enough water and gets some sleep and he should be fine.”

“Oh, I’ll pester him as much as necessary, don’t worry. You know how annoying I can get.” Leo grinned. “Thanks for the help.”

“If you need anything else, you know where to find me.”

~~~

The bits of ambrosia Jason got still tasted like Leo’s tacos, and like Will had warned, they didn’t magically fix everything.

“If I give you any more, you’ll just try to help and hurt yourself, and then we’ll end up right back here.”

That seemed like a fair enough point, but Jason still didn’t like it. It was hard to convince his brain it was actually okay to let himself rest. When you’d learnt at two years old that showing weakness would get you killed, telling yourself it was fine and safe and nothing bad would happen to you in this specific instance and actually believing that was hard. Hell, his last stab wound had helpfully sorted itself out when he’d recklessly thrown himself into battle despite feeling like death. Keeping himself up and running was safe. This did not feel safe.

And sure, there was a protocol for handling illness and injuries at Camp Jupiter that usually included mandated rest periods. But when everyone looked up to you, expecting you to be the leader, it was hard to figure out where to draw the line. At which point was he objectively bad enough to neglect his duties?

As long as he could stand upright, it was probably fine. When he couldn’t, he’d just nibble on an ambrosia cube until he could. When that didn’t work, he was probably dead and no longer needed to worry about it.

Right now, he wasn’t dead or even dying, and so it didn't feel like a reasonable excuse to neglect his duties for something as stupid as staying in bed and doing nothing—even with Leo there to pester him and make jokes and offer him home-cooked meals that could be warmed up at a flick of his wrist.

It didn’t feel real to Jason that he was just allowed to have this.

If nothing else, since he’d taken the ambrosia he could at least sit up without feeling like he was about to topple off the bed, which meant Leo was currently pestering him into finishing his glass of water.

Jason was only half-listening, his mind continuously wandering back to all the things he should be doing instead of this.

“I can hear you thinking, Superman. It’s loud and very annoying.” Leo ruffled his hair. “Talk to me? We did say we’d give it a shot, but we’re both still kind of garbage at it.”

“I really feel like I should be up and helping,” Jason sighed. He was glad to be able to manage a full sentence without bursting into another coughing fit, but talking still hurt. “At least check on the temples to make sure nothing got damaged last night.”

“Nope. Wrong answer. Immediately disqualified.” Leo made a noise that was obviously supposed to resemble the sound of an incorrect buzzer on a quiz show, though it sounded like someone had kicked the poor buzzer down the stairs instead of pressing it. “The only thing you’re supposed to be doing right now is resting, and you’re doing a terrible job. You’ve basically been non-stop doing things since we finished dealing with Gaia. The temples, now this project… I know I’m one to talk, but you need a vacation or something.” Leo smirked. “I hear Greece is really nice this time of year.”

“Oh yeah, I’d love to spend all of our first vacation as a couple trying not to get killed.”

“You say that like trying not to get killed isn’t the foundation of this relationship,” Leo teased him. “But Greece or otherwise, you’re not talking yourself out of this vacation. Take it from the resident expert on running: you’ve got a tendency to keep yourself running when you shouldn’t, and you really need to stop.”

“Didn’t you tell me you were an expert at sticking around at one point?” Jason asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t believe you remember that,” Leo said, laughing, like it was absurd that that moment had meant enough to Jason for him to remember it. Like Jason hadn’t built his life around the fact that his mom had promised to come back and left him instead. Like Leo, who had been runningand running and running for most of his life, hadn’t seen the fear in his eyes and chosen to stay.

“Of course I remember,” Jason said softly.

Leo gulped, clearly emotional, but then he immediately shifted back into his joke default. 

“Damn it. Should have known you keep a folder of quotes to throw back at me at the right moment. You’re exactly the type of nerd who has folders on everything.” He shook his head. “To answer your question: I’ve got layers, babe. I have to keep you on your toes somehow.” 

“I thought the point of this was to get me to rest? Isn’t that the opposite of keeping me on my toes?”

“You’re lucky I like you as much as I do.” Leo rolled his eyes, but then he smiled at Jason. “I’ll let you in on a little secret: I was trying to be supportive and also full of shit. I’m getting better at the sticking around thing, though. You can blame yourself and Piper for that one. Fourteen year old Leo would be quaking in his boots.”

It was more sincere than Leo usually was, and Jason really did feel lucky.

“Fourteen year old me would also be pretty shocked if he could see me now,” Jason admitted quietly. “He never slept past six am. He was also never this happy.”

“Six am?” Leo’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Is that standard for Camp Jupiter? Gods, no wonder Reyna is always so cranky.”

Jason laughed, which rapidly dissolved into another coughing fit. Laughing was still out, then. That was really unfortunate considering his boyfriend was right there.

“I think you’d like Reyna if you gave her an actual shot. There’s a reason we were best friends for years.” Their relationship had never quite gone back to what it had been before the whole memory wipe kidnapping incident, but Jason was back to being friends with Reyna, and he was glad for that. “Are you still scared of her?”

“Not as much. Piper’s trying exposure therapy. The results are so-so, but at least I don’t think she wants to kill me anymore,” Leo joked. Then he shoved the half-full glass of water back into Jason’s face. “Speaking of ways to prevent death: I’m supposed to keep you from getting dehydrated. Bottoms up!”

Jason sighed, but his throat still hurt, even if it did feel a little less sandpapered than before, and the water helped.

What it didn’t help with was the exhaustion—this ridiculous, inconvenient feeling of wanting to just curl up against Leo and let himself go unconscious. He may have been significantly less dizzy, but he still went between random flashes of feeling too warm and too cold and sometimes both at once.

“It’s fine if you want to go back to sleep, you know,” Leo said like he’d read his mind—or, more likely, Jason’s bone-deep exhaustion was just written all over his face. He took the empty glass and placed it back down on the bedside table. “I may be terrible at going to bed at reasonable hours, and sleep gets a general 5/10 from me because of all the nightmares, but unfortunately, it is important, especially when you’re sick. I don’t mind just sitting with you for a while.”

“If you’re staying with me, we should at least do something together,” Jason protested. “This isn’t exactly fun for you. I don’t want to just sleep and waste a whole bunch of your time.”

“You’re overestimating your influence, Superman. I have ADHD. I can waste my own time just fine without your help.” Leo smiled down at him, running his hand through Jason’s hair again. Jason closed his eyes and leaned into the movement. “Besides, we both know I’m the fun one in this relationship. Your job is more, like, mother henning so I occasionally go to bed before two am and actually remember to eat lunch instead of just disappearing down the project void for three days.”

“Shut up,” Jason laughed, which rapidly turned into another coughing fit. Gods, usually he loved how much Leo made him laugh, but it was a little inconvenient right now.

“See? Clearly, I’m the fun one. Now stop being ridiculous and just go back to sleep.”

Jason wanted to protest again, but his thoughts were turning to mush. His head was on Leo’s lap, and Leo was so, so warm that anything coherent he tried to grasp at drifted away before he could form even half a sentence. That just felt like cheating on Leo’s part.

Being sick still didn’t feel safe to Jason. This whole situation of him letting himself rest didn’t feel safe or right or like something he should be allowed to do.

But he knew so instinctively that Leo would never let anything happen to him that it was hard to feel anything but safe with him. With Leo there, Jason always felt like everything was going to be alright.

————————————————————————

Leo was pretty sure he was failing as a boyfriend. 

The thing was, Leo was kind of garbage at taking care of people. He knew that wasn’t entirely his fault—no one had properly taken care of him when he was sick since he was eight years old, and just crawling under the bedsheets hoping his foster parents didn’t realize he was sick or finding himself a slightly less drafty bridge to sleep under weren’t exactly great precedents to base your care for someone else on.

But knowing that didn’t help. Jason was great with stuff like this. He knew how to calm Leo down when he was freaking out, made him cocoa in the middle of the night and had made sure Leo didn’t go stir-crazy when he’d been stuck in the infirmary for more than a week after the Gaia fight. That Leo was fucking terrible at it and he didn’t feel like he could properly help Jason in return made him feel like shit.

After his boyfriend had dozed off the night before, Leo had realized very quickly that he absolutely should have dragged him to the infirmary—or at least he should have broken in and stolen a few ambrosia cubes. Leo hadn’t really slept much. Jason had spent the whole night sweating and shivering against him, coughing so badly that Leo had been worried one of his lungs might come up, but he hadn’t been able to wake Jason when he tried, and physically hadn’t been able to leave the bed until sometime this morning. Every time he’d tried to pull his arm away from Jason’s chest, Jason had made a half-asleep whining noise and pulled it back, until eventually, he’d turned onto his back and wrapped fully around Leo, pinning him in place like a misbehaving pup. 

It would have been hilarious if it hadn’t been so inconvenient.

Austin had been the only Apollo cabin member up when Leo had gotten there, and Leo hadbothered him into checking on Jason, but Austin’s powers were more concentrated in the musical than the healing range. He’d mainly concluded that Jason wouldn’t die and advised Leo to let him sleep for a while longer and ask Will to check in later if it didn’t get better.

Leo had then proceeded to waste most of the morning trying to figure out how to cheer Jason up.

He’d gotten a whole bunch of unhelpful advice from his friends, both in-person and via Iris Message. Reyna had said she liked to be left alone, and had absolutely no advice to offer in regards to what Jason usually did or needed when he was sick. She actually couldn’t remember him ever being sick in all the time she’d known him, which said some concerning things about the amount of off time he usually allowed himself to take.

Piper had said her dad used to tell her stories to make her feel better when she’d been little, which would have been helpful if Jason had been five. She’d also confirmed Jason was a terrible patient, which, considering he’d tossed himself into the ocean with a life-threatening stab wound at one point, didn’t take a genius to figure out.

Because Piper was just like that, she’d pointed out that Leo wasn’t much better, which, while not technically untrue, wasn’t exactly helpful advice, either.

Annabeth had said she didn’t get sick, which Percy side-eyed her for, and then she’d admitted she just liked knowing someone was there. Doing what, exactly? Who knew.

Percy was the only one who’d said something Leo could actually use: that his mom usually cooked something he liked to cheer him up. 

Leo could do cooking. 

So, as per Austin’s expert advice, he’d let Jason sleep, and after breakfast, he’d gotten to work in the kitchen.

Leo liked being in the kitchen of the big house, usually. Cooking relaxed him.

But he hadn’t done a whole lot of it since he’d lost his leg, and navigating the kitchen with his crutches had turned out to be a bigger issue than he’d expected. Carrying things around was fine if they were in closed boxes or bags, but carrying a mug with liquid? Yeah, nope, not happening.

But, after some mishaps, he’d found workarounds. He’d gone completely overboard because he wasn’t sure what Jason would actually feel like eating. It wasn’t like he didn’t know some of the things Jason liked, but none of the ones that came to mind exactly screamed sick person comfort foods to Leo.

He’d made a cup of that terrible herbal tea Jason liked for some reason, and a whole bunch of small things like cut fruits and dry toast. Leo had even tried to recreate the chicken pozole he remembered his own mom had sometimes made when he wasn’t feeling well. The memory made his heart clench in his chest, but he felt like he had to at least try.

There hadn’t been any major disasters during the actual cooking process. The main problem came after, when Leo realized he hadn’t really thought through how he’d get the food back to the Hephaestus cabin. Carrying a tray with crutches was even less possible than carrying around mugs filled with liquid. 

So, well, Leo had chosen to just not use the crutches. He’d decided it was probably fine as long as he was careful. He could mostly walk around without crutches okay.

Admittedly, most of that walking had been without carrying anything heavy and with both Will and a wall readily available in case he needed to steady himself. And sure, they didn’t do these types of exercises for more than a few minutes at a time because Leo’s sense of balance was still shit. But he’d thought he could do this.

Will rushing up to him a few steps out of the building had been the only reason Leo and everything he was carrying hadn’t ended up all over the lawn.

“Leo, we talked about this,” Will had chided him, taking over carrying the tray.

He’d spent the whole walk to the cabin trying to talk Leo through recovery timelines, which Leo had tuned out after the second sentence.

Leo knew that stuff. He was painfully aware of the fact that it usually took over six months, sometimes up to a year, to be able to walk without crutches after an amputation. They’d talked through this in detail several times.

That didn’t mean he was thrilled about this fact.

Sure, Leo was making decent progress. And he was trying to be patient with himself.

But it had been months at this point, and he’d never been a particularly patient person, and that he was doing better didn’t mean he didn’t have days like today when he really wanted to hurl his crutches at a wall.

The other issue he was currently having was that his left leg hurt.

Leo was pretty sure he knew the cause of this—Will had told him he was supposed to regularly take the prosthesis off and check if the skin underneath was getting irritated, and also give his stump breaks throughout the day.

The thing was, Leo wasn’t great about this. Partially, this was because he got hyperfocused a lot when he was working on his little projects and he just forgot. Partially, this was also because he’d had two legs for sixteen years of his life, and even after three and a half months in this new situation, he still didn’t always remember that this wasn’t the case anymore. That part felt fucking idiotic, because most of the time he obviously did know and was unable to forget if he tried, but sometimes when he was especially sleep-deprived or intensely focused on something else, his brain just blocked out this particular part of reality. Having his prosthesis on when he worked late significantly reduced the risk of him trying to get up to fetch a tool and epically belly-flopping onto the floor of the forge in the process.

…okay, that one had been a one time occurrence and very early on, but still. Never again.

Nyssa and Jake hadn’t been weird about it—Nyssa had helped him sit up while Jake had gone to fetch Will, and both of them had the decency to never bring it up again. Leo still wanted to burn a hole into the floor from sheer embarrassment whenever he thought of it.

So, yeah, staying up as late as he had and keeping the prosthesis on the whole time, Leo was pretty sure he’d irritated the shit out of his stump, in ways his evening routine hadn’t been able to fix. Again. 

He should have probably gone to Will or Kayla about this. At the very least, he should have taken his prosthetic leg off and iced the painful spots a little. If it had been any other day, he probably would have.

He didn’t.

Instead, he let Jason nap on his lap for two hours, which surprisingly did not help his leg pain.

Leo should have been better about this, especially when Will had literally just given him a lecture about not pushing himself. But the only semi-useful thing Leo had managed to do so far was make Jason food, which Jason hadn’t even eaten because he wasn’t feeling well. 

So, yeah, fucking incredible work in the boyfriend department, Valdez.

The least he could do was let Jason sleep in a position he was obviously comfortable in, even if it was objectively only comfortable for one of them.

Aside from the pain, Leo didn’t really mind this situation very much. He spent an embarrassing amount of time just watching his boyfriend sleep like a complete weirdo. 

Despite the fact that Jason was still sweating and shivering under the blanket, and despite the fact that every time he coughed it was obvious that it hurt, he looked… almost peaceful. 

Jason wasn’t good at looking peaceful. Even asleep, it always seemed like he was one command away from jumping to his feet with his sword drawn. Almost was the closest he ever got.

And almost peaceful Jason was an image Leo really struggled to tear himself away from. It made him yearn for a future where maybe he’d get Jason all the way to actually peaceful, now that the end of the world wasn’t permanently hanging over their heads anymore. Leo imagined the machine shop he wanted, and getting to come home every night to a version of Jason that laughed easily and no longer remembered how to stand at attention.

Gods, Leo hadn’t even thought it possible to be this utterly gone for another person. A year ago, he hadn’t even thought he’d ever consider a place home again. Yet, here he was, just about a month into this relationship, thinking about living together. Talk about fucking u-hauling.

~~~

By the time Jason woke up, Leo had thankfully torn himself out of the kind of ridiculous fairytale futures that had always been reserved for other people and was fiddling with one of his little projects—an upgraded eye for Festus with a few extra sensors his current ones didn’t have.

Admittedly, Leo looking down at Jason might have been a slightly less disconcerting sight to wake up to than the giant metal eye that was currently staring down at him.

Jason yelped, and Leo was barely quick enough to move the large metal orb out of range before his boyfriend punched the spot of empty air where it had just been, nearly socking Leo on the jaw in the process.

“Whoa. Down, boy. No need to give me or Festus a black eye.” Leo dropped the eye on the floor next to the bed, then held his hands up defensively for extra effect. “This is mostly celestial bronze, anyway, so it’s not like you could do any real damage with your fists. It’s bad enough that you’re sick, we do not need to add broken fingers to the equation.”

Jason looked extremely startled. “Sorry. Oh gods, I’m so sorry. I thought- You okay?”

“You didn’t even actually hit me. Your uppercut needs work.” Leo gently flicked his boyfriend in the head. “Anyway, enough about me. How are you feeling?”

“A little better, I think.” This was followed immediately by another coughing fit. Leo raised an eyebrow. 

“You are the worst liar I know.” He ruffled Jason’s hair, since he seemed to really be enjoying that today. Note for future reference: sick Jason was like a dog that enjoyed getting petted. “You need anything?”

“Maybe water?” Jason shrugged. “I don’t know. Just if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Superman, I cooked for you for more than an hour this morning. I’ll survive a three second walk to the bathroom and back to fill up your cup.” Leo nudged him. “Besides, I’ve got a leg and a half that are super asleep right now. It’ll be nice to get up and stretch them for a bit.”

~~~

Despite this bold statement on Leo’s part, the short walk in question turned into a total disaster. 

Yeah, he could have made it to the bathroom and back without his crutches under most circumstances. He’d done that before.

But currently, his stupid stump was sore and hurt with every step and it turned out he could not manage.

He had to pause in the bathroom, the cup clenched in trembling fingers, which would have been embarrassing enough. But then it turned out he couldn’t make the way back at all.

The main issue wasn’t that the pain was so intense he couldn’t bear it—if it had been anything that serious, even Leo probably wouldn’t have been this much of a moron about it. The issue was that the fact that his steps stung kept throwing him off, and made Leo’s usually mediocre balance that Will had correctly pointed out they were still working on significantly worse.

Leo only made it about three quarters of the way back to his bed before he misstepped and fell, which was really just how this day was going. The main thoughts he had as he fell were annoyance and frustration directed at himself, as well as a distant relief that he’d had the presence of mind to take the plastic cup because at least that wouldn’t splinter.

Leo didn’t hit the floor. He was stopped mid-fall by first a strong gust of wind and then a pair of warm arms. 

Jason shouldn’t have been out of bed. He definitely shouldn’t have been using his powers. In the end, Jason’s immensely stupid rescue attempt just made them both crumple to the floor, right into the puddle of spilled water, though at a much slower speed than the one Leo had originally been going for.

“Are you okay?”

Leo wanted to say something funny, but he looked at his exhausted boyfriend who’d just wasted a bunch of his energy preventing him from getting hurt and just kind of started to cry. 

“Are you hurt? What’s wrong? Can I help?” Jason asked again, placing his hands on Leo’s shoulders. He sounded really alarmed, which just made Leo feel worse.

“I’m sorry I’m such garbage at this,” Leo sniffled. “You’re always so good with this stuff, but I can’t figure out how to help, and between my stupid crutches and my stupid leg hurting I can’t- I’m sorry I’ve been so useless.”

“Leo, what the hell are you talking about?” Jason looked something between concerned and seriously confused.

“I’m- my whole thing is that I know how to fix machines. But people? I don’t- I never know how to help when it comes to people. You’re not like Festus. I can’t just switch out your gears to make you feel better. I don’t know what I can do to make you feel better. What kind of awful boyfriend-”

“Stop.” Jason looked directly at him, eyes stormy. “You’ve been amazing. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I will not allow you to talk about yourself like this.”

“But-”

“No. Listen to me. If it wasn’t for you, I would have gone to help, and Will’s right, I probably would have ended up hurt. Most likely, I wouldn’t even have been upset about it, because that’s what I was raised to do. You said it yourself: I’m the prince of the universe. I’m supposed to take charge and get things done. It doesn’t matter if that doesn’t make me happy or if it isn’t good for me. That’s just who I have to be.” Jason’s voice cracked. “Everyone always expects me to be able to handle anything. But I’m not. You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like it’s okay that I’m not.” 

“Oh,” was the only thing Leo could manage as Jason pulled him to his chest, holding him so gently that he could barely remember how to breathe.

And then they were both crying, adding to the stupid water puddle they were sitting in. They probably looked ridiculous. Leo didn’t care. Being wrapped in Jason’s arms like this immediately made him feel better.

“I can count the amount of times someone’s taken care of me on one hand, and that’s never involved another person sitting with me for hours and stroking my hair and cooking for me before. I almost burst into tears over a plate of cut fruit earlier,” Jason admitted quietly, gently nuzzling Leo’s neck. Gods, he still felt awfully warm. “But you don’t need to spend all day fussing, especially if you don’t feel great. It’s so nice to just have you here. I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just- all I ever wanted was for someone to stay.”

“Oh,” Leo repeated intelligently, his own voice cracking too. Damn it, that meant he’d have to tell Annabeth he should have taken her advice. She’d never let him live that down. “I can do that. I can stay.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jason sniffled. “But I don’t want you hurting yourself to help me, okay?”

“Says the guy who just almost made himself faint trying to catch me,” Leo commented, grimacing. “I hate to say it, but Piper was right when she said sometimes we’re the exact same brand of idiot. Let’s both try to work on that, yeah?”

Jason sighed. “Yeah. Okay.”

This left them with the issue of how to get back off the floor.

~~~

In the end, Piper rescued them, appearing out of thin air like Leo had fucking summoned her the second he’d admitted she was right.

She collected both of them off the floor, went to get Will, and also brought some of the self-refilling cups from lunch, which… yeah, Leo really should have thought of that. 

“You seem to have food covered for now,” she said, gesturing towards the tray of still untouched breakfast items on the bedside table.

Whether he liked it or not, Leo got his second Will Solace lecture of the day, this time with strict orders to rest and let his stump breathe for a while. He didn’t mind that too much—he’d felt absolutely zero desire to put the prosthesis back on since he’d finally taken it off.

Besides, being put on bed rest with Jason really wasn’t much of a punishment, aside from the fact that even sick, Jason still wouldn’t stop with his stupid mother henning.

“You literally said that was part of my boyfriend job description like three hours ago. You do not get to complain about it now,” Jason teased him, shoving Leo’s cup and another piece of toast in his direction.

Yeah, Leo really needed to find that folder of inconvenient quotes that could be used against him and burn it.

Jason was still garbage at letting himself rest, but it seemed to be easier for him now that he felt like he was doing something helpful—even if that something helpful was just bothering his boyfriend. Leo would have to write that down for future reference.

They shared the food Leo had made, and they talked. Jason told him why he’d been so anxious while Leo petted his head and offered to fist-fight Rachel the next time she tried to speak a prophecy. Leo finally went into some of his post-amputation problems, including but not limited to his occasional desire to hurl his crutches at the wall.

“Will probably has some old broken crutches you could actually throw. If you think that’d help, I’m sure he’d let you.”

“I’ll ask, but I’ll definitely tell him it was your idea.” Leo chuckled. “If Will keeps having to put up with us I think he’s gonna need a vacation too.”

“Maybe someone should tell him to just take a couple of days off with his boyfriend. This is actually really nice.” Jason didn’t kiss him, because he was a buzzkill and refused to get him sick, but he looked at Leo with such unbridled fondness that it was clear he wanted to. “I love you. You know that, right?”

“If you’re trying to quote Star Wars to me, you’re doing it wrong,” Leo joked, putting his head on Jason’s shoulder. “But yeah, I do know that. Love you, too.”

And well, spending the next few days like this, sharing meals and curled up next to each other watching movies and taking naps didn’t sound so bad, even if it did require Leo to be a little more honest about how he was feeling than usual.

He still wasn’t convinced they were lucky enough to have any kind of fairytale future, but currently the present wasn’t looking half bad.

———————

Some notes:

-Title is from Time by Gretta Ray. Shoutout to my friend Mal for putting up with me in the process of this fic, he’s never read the books and literally doesn’t even know who these people are.

Continuation of the point I made in Late Night Cocoa about Leo and Jason both being shit at voicing it when something is wrong with them! Jason’s been in charge for so long that not being okay has simply never felt like an option. Leo still isn’t entirely used to having people who care regardless of whether he’s currently being useful.

Being in a relationship does not magically fix all your issues! But they know each other and know how to lift each other up and it does really help.

Leo will not let Jason play the hero. Jason will not allow Leo to talk badly about himself ever. They’re just good for each other, full stop, and I love that for them.

Side note: I cannot believe I wrote a 10k established relationship fic and didn’t let them kiss on the lips once. That feels incredibly mean of me. I feel like now I need to write a date fic of some kind specifically to make it up to them, lol

This was my first time properly attempting Jason POV which was kind of scary but I think I ended up doing alright?

Anyway, thanks for reading! Comments and reblogs are always super, super appreciated.

@poppitron360

[fantomette22]

Hello how you doing? ^-^

I have not checked tumblr in months but its always wonderful to see you to keep the gehrmaria space alive.. and I want to ask if you have hcs for how they both behave when the other is sick and needing care? Please and thank you dear friend ~

Hi anon! :D thank you a lot for the ask and checking in! You always put a smile on my face :) (Idk if you got other social media too that would be a pleasure to chat with you!)

I’m doing fine I would say. That depends the days.

And yeah I know I should do more on them! ejfssdhkfeihfkdskn

But yes I think you’ll be happy to know I have quite a few headcanons and ideas about this specific subject!

Well aside the AU where everyone is kinda alive and happy and they share a house, and sometimes got sick here*, I feel that in a more canon compliant setting they would rarely got sick thanks to the old blood. (*So yeah in AU they would be very sweet and patient and take care of each other when the other got sick for sure!)

Still with the hunt and all they would get hurt often and you can't always use old blood for every little scrape you got. You know you need to be careful with using old blood and all ;)

So at first I imagined when Maria got her first blood transfusion she stayed in a coma for maybe like 2 days. And her friends relay themselves at her bedside. So Gehrman did that for a huge part. (won't share all the context here but it's after facing off the keeper of the old lords! It was a a huge thing for her but she still decide to continue on the 3rd floor and Ludwig and Gehrman had to drag her back after getting KO by a gel enemy (you know the slime that fall on you)... she shouldn't have overdo it...

They did save each other lives from death situations more than once too! Even going as to carry the other on their back to get to safety! So yeah they got other others! (Yes Maria did that for Gehrman too!)

I always imagined Laurence was mainly the one to patch up and heal the old hunters who got hurt (logic) but as he got more busy and can't be everywhere, I feel they would all take care of one another and especially Maria and Gehrman being the more at ease with it (to heal the others).

I hc of course Laurence as a doctor or even surgeon (+priest lol) he is the best at sewing back skins for exemple but followed by Gehrman who's the second best! (I mean he can sew tissue very well so. Apparently it's not that far off! So now I imagined they trained together at Byrgenwerth on tissue and skins. Help ekdbd)

And then Maria learn it too. So, I imagined more than once, they might have sew back each other skins too! So yeah.

I had this silly idea... that show that they trust each other on that quite well. Like one day they are patching up, cleaning the scratches they got. It's just the 2 of them at the workshop. And at some point Maria's like : "hey hm... I got a pretty bad scar on my back hm would that be alright if you stitch it up?"

"Oh euh sure no problem."

"No I mean I need to take my shirt off... does that bother you?"

"OH! Hm... well we can wait for a nurse if that bother you..."

"No it's fine its it's you it's just... I understand if..that bother you...."

"Well... if that doesn't bother you... it's hm fine with me I think.."

"Alright..."

And it's awkward for like 2 mins before they start it. I mean it's fine she have her back to him and holding her shirt in front of her so it's ok. (wtf I am even talking about help)

Also Gehrman always have so tea or infusion for any kind of pain so he gave her a few remedy and receipt he have. But he love to prepare it too.

I also imagined that very occasionally Gehrman still got phantom pain in his leg/foot. Sometimes it's just slithy bothering or annoying but at times the pain is just too much. He can't do anything, just sitting there, gritting his teeth, almost on the verge of tears... waiting for it to pass. Somehow the better thing that smooth him is Maria presence. Talking to him and being with him. it helped the pain pass and being more beareble. (He never show that side of him to anyone but to her he did. They are here to help each other at when they're really not well. He did that for her too in the past until well.... When there were all the drama with Cainhurst and all for exemple.)

And last little thing hm. Still need to figure details but before she passed away, and clearly wasn't at her best, I imagined that maybe Gehrman did take care of her a bit. Making sure she sleeps and eat and all. Making sure she could donation and her own again. she did but well... you know how that end later. And he became slowly a giant mess without her presence...)

Sorry that's clearly not sweet so let's get back to the making soup and tea for each others and something 😭 patching up and telling the other to be careful not overdo it. Yeah that's better.

-----

Also I did try to draw something quick the other day too. It’s very messy I don’t think I did a very good job here. I didn’t wanted to post it at first.. But I figure it would still be nice to share to you and maybe others would still appreciate it as well! (I get what's like to be desperate for content and taking every lil bit so I can at least provide that!)

So there it is ^^

Have Gehrman patching her up and Maria calming him from phantom pain.

[spacestationvampire]

Sannin swap Sakura is beautiful!!! Your art is so amazing!!

Have you got any more headcannons for it?

AWWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH! had to get up and jump around my kitchen after i saw this!! very rarely do i recieve asks like this, but when i do, it's a joy ❤️

and, yes i do! quite a few, in fact, with a portion of them being related to the AU as a whole rather than just sakura herself, so i'll treat this post like a mixed goodie bag of the best. bit of a longpost under the cut, but there's a couple doodles, too!

this au right now has a certain out-of-characteredness that i'm still ironing out as i rewatch shippuden and reread the manga. with that in mind, it's highly likely that i've fucked up kishimoto's already godawful powerscaling somewhere. i've also definitely left accidentally sasuke out in its development in favor of focusing on naruto and sakura, so that's on the very noticeable lack of him here.

main/sakura stuff:

- sakura was an accident. during the chunin exams, she'd managed to shove sasuke out of the way before orochimaru could bite her, recieving the curse mark instead of him. the pain of the mark is extreme for her (especially because the seal was intended for sasuke), but she doesn't want her teammates to think she's weak, so she conceals the root cause.

- kabuto winds up snagging her at some point so as not to waste resources or risk leading konoha to orochimaru. he offers her treatment for the mark. ino is the one to catch her leaving.

- sakura is kept for experimentation. that she'd survived to unlock second state at all makes her a statistical outlier. at some point, for some reason or another, kabuto convinces orochimaru that she'd make a better asset if she were actually working for them. you decide why, i don't know.

- thus begins her training under kabuto! and boy, does it suck. early on, he approaches working with her in the same way that one would approach a roach on the floor. he doses her with poisons to build her resistance, and sometimes he'll leave scalpels out in the open with his back turned so she can try to attack him. oh hey here's an opportunity handed to you on a silver platter. if you execute it properly i won't threaten to tattle on you to our sannin.

- she grows something like disdain for konoha after nobody comes to find her. unlike sasuke, she didn't leave with a team, so she was much harder to track down. naruto and sasuke only see her once during that three year gap that she goes missing. but fear not! she's still planning to murder orochimaru!

there's much more plotty stuff, but i want to save that for when i write and draw the au more extensively. i've got a little playlist for it here--some of the music is an acquired taste, but i hope you like it!

other tidbits:

- naruto and sasuke recieve a mix of training from both jiraiya and tsunade until they encounter a very ill sakura during their search (pre-shippuden). this encounter causes them to diverge, with naruto leaning more toward tsunade in hopes of learning what's wrong with sakura so he can help, & sasuke leaning more toward jiraiya in pursuit of power/being able to search for sakura and itachi while he travels. tsunade persuades naruto to stay and learn with her--but that's for another post.

- naruto w/ precise chakra control & insane reserves is arguably even more of a powerhouse than he was before. no byakugou, but i have been toying with some perfect slug sage concepts.

- sakura BULLIES manda. she also gets to have her badass giant twin axes from early designs, because i love them

- tsunade has naruto work in the hospital with her when he's learning, & the patients gain an appreciation for him that makes him want to connect w/ konoha's people more. so he asks tsunade to teach him about diplomacy! #badidea #nightmare #thatboycantstudy #theyhavenoadderall

and that's about it! if you've made it this far, thank you so much! i really appreciate it! here are some small pencil doodles, for your trouble. :) it's my hope that i'll be able to produce writing for this concept to my satisfaction in the near future.

kabuto & sakura + 3/4 of team taka

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

I just got caught up on the gaslight au and AHHH I love it so much! I do wonder about what the Waynes' secret. It's gotta be a version of the Batfamily, but it's mostly just hush hush in the story. Wonder if sweet wildflower will learn about it?

Bruce looked at the Doctor's daughter sitting across from him and his heart twisted. You understood the sanctity of life. You'd helped your father tend his patients as his very own nurse, setting and stitching wounds. Mixing salves and poultices.

And now there was blood on your hands.

Physically, he knew you would heal. You were young and healthy. But some wounds would take far longer to heal. Now, as you sat across from him, playing the part you were supposed to play. Pouring his tea and explaining, haltingly- from memory some medicinal properties of a local fauna your father had favored as a topical analgesic- he asked suddenly, "What were you aiming for?"

"Clavicle," you murmur. No hesitation. Just a pause to register the question. "I- I was afraid that if I tried to shoot him in the leg I would miss- close quarters and-" You break off and Bruce nods.

Clavicle. Not chest. To cause pain. Time to get away- you could run while he was writhing on the floor.

"You didn't mean to kill that- man," Bruce said. "You were in a panic. Terrified out of your mind." He set his cup down and looked at you seriously, "My father was a doctor, did you know that?"

"I didn't."

"And I don't think Thomas Wayne would have lost much sleep over the death of a man who would kidnap and- mistreat a young woman... And I do not think your father would be disappointed in you. He'd probably have been less kind about it than you were-"

"Pardon?"

"Your shot through his chest," Bruce explained. "It's why I asked what you were aiming for. It went through his heart. He didn't suffer." He had suffered, a little. But. You didn't need to know that.

"He just dropped- at first I thought I missed. I didn't know. I thought. I froze. I-"

Bruce nodded. You weren't a killer. Even if you had shot guns while hunting with your father- a piece of the story gleaned from Jason. It was a different matter to shoot a person. "It's not uncommon to freeze," he said.

"Will I- I mean I did kill a man-"

"If it comes to that," Bruce said calmly, "we'll take care of it. It was a murder, but it wasn't a crime."

"I-"

"One thing at a time," Bruce said. "The legal system is- imperfect. But. Jim Gordon seems to agree. The question is whether or not Harvey Dent will agree."

"What am I going to do?"

"Tell the truth," he said smiling a little. "And just know- you're under house arrest... sort of. I told Gordon I'd keep you here until we could figure out what were were going to do. Try you for the murder or make a case against your uncle for paying the man to start with."

[sanguinemanare]

Hii it is me again hehe

I saw somewhere on your blog maybe 2-3 times that BM likes light blue is there any particular reason?

Also you said that it was YN who initiated intimacy so how did Bloodmoon reacted the first time ? (Ik it’s kinda open to interpretation but I’d like your thoughts on this one please :3)

And also what if BM finds YN trying to escape peak obsession? What would be his reaction after YN failure or success? (Can he rage ? Or get really really mad that something doesn’t go his way?)

Let’s say that YN noticed that BM was getting a danger for their safety and decided to take action got him caged or trapped somewhere where they still could see him and interact, what would be is plan ? Would he think of a way to get YN to free him or would he turn to his strength ?

Could Bloodmoon ever learn to be gentle because of that?

Ok well that’s all that i can think of rn ><

Sorry if my questions are obvious, it’s bc im the type of person who like to have the author thought and pov about their creation!

Hi hi! Honestly I love the appreciation and curiosity. Sorry if any of my replies don't make sense, I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words sometimes lol!

So his favorite colour is light blue. There is no specific reason as to why. I honestly just thought it'd be funny, just a big murderous character who loves hurting others, pain and blood and then just….likes a bright blue colour. (I have a stupid sense of humor)

Well for the intimacy part I don't have any set lore behind it. Just that Y/N would have to be the one to initiate because of the type of character Bloodmoon is. Think of him like a slasher film killer LOL Bloodmoon's reaction to any kind of affection is generally confusion and then curiosity, so it'd basically be the same with Y/N showing "interest" that way. He doesn't understand why someone would be showing him any form of it, because everyone else shows fear, anger and disgust. Y/N would basically have to be just as insane as him to start anything like this, I'mma be real LOL. why you getting comfortable with this man that could kill you in a heart beat. Afterward, intense possessiveness would settle and decrease Y/N's chances of leaving even more so.

Y/N trying to leave/escape Bloodmoon at peak obsession can get intense. He always sees these attempts as a game and enjoys the struggle from them. If Y/N is successful at leaving, Bloodmoon would be trying everything in his power to bring them back. This is incredibly dangerous for Y/N and anyone else who is around as he would no longer be thinking clearly and basically tunnel vision on Y/N. Frustration and anger do come into play if he's not getting what he wants. If the emotion is strong enough it eventually twists and turns to a more psychotic/deranged state and it triggers his base hunt and kill coding. There is a very high chance that if Y/N is captured during this phase that they will die.

In my AU Bloodmoon is already basically caged within a specific area so he'd be relatively used to it if it were to happen again. He would be patient and most definitely trying to coerce Y/N into either going to him or letting him out.

During peak obsession however, there would definitely be much more physical outbursts from him. That room would be utterly destroyed LOL. One thing he can do is use his corrupt coding to take control of a few things in the building. He's not exactly good at it though and a lot of the time it ends in failure but during his time trapped he would probably try to hone it to free himself if physically breaking out isn't an option.

Y/N would experience moments of complete silence and stillness from him while he tries this and it can last for hours. If he has literally no way out, he would obsessively watch Y/N any time they appear. Eventually over time he would lose his mind even more so and become even more dangerous.

Soft and gentle moments with him are extremely rare to the point of almost being non existent. He is incredibly stubborn and it's basically in his coding to be aggressive. Changing this would basically change who he is as a being. They could change his personality and coding but it would just be an entirely new animatronic.

[alchemistc]

i wanna start out by saying ive been patiently waiting for a hockey AU on the bucktommy fandom and your Goon fic is everything i have ever wanted, im honestly obsessed with your characterization of tommy

i have never been that big on rpf in the hockey fandom, but i always love reading people write crosby in their hockey aus, also love how you include Hockey Lore TM in the story

so, i wanted your take on the insane 'tradition' (not really tradition, more of a common occurrence) of players playing through injuries specially in the playoffs (I remember that in the 2016 or 2017 cup run, there was more players currently injured on the penguins than not, pretty sure Letang or Daley had like, broken fingers for most of the last round) and how many times Buck had to run away from Hen so he could play, because if anyone is more likely to play through injuries, i'd say is Evan "i-had-another-surgery-instead-of-waiting-for-my-leg-crush-injury-to-heal-naturally" Buckley, or Evan "I-sued-my-job-because-they-wouldnt-let-me-do-said-job-after-said-leg-crush-injury-and-vomitting-blood" Buckley

Thank you thank you! Goon has been so much fun to craft, and I'm loving seeing the hockey fans and the 'what's a chiclet' 9-1-1 fans alike enjoy it!

Personally? I hate it. I think the whole idea of it is fucking insane and detrimental to not only their physical health but their mental health as well. (From the Avs fan perspective, regardless of what we actually know about the Nichushkin situation, the man broke his foot and played through it, likely got addicted to a painkiller in the recovery process, missed a playoff series because of [redacted], had a career fucking year and then sent himself to the Players Assistance Program, came back, had MORE career highlights, and then...failed a drug test in the run up to the playoffs and got himself suspended.

(Another reason players just play through injury and mental health crisis is the Players Assistance Program, which IS ANOTHER MAJOR FAILING OF HOCKEY CULTURE IN GENERAL)

Hell, Landy played through a not-healed-injury after he took Cale's skate to his knee and now he's had two surgeries and may never make another appearance in a game because of it.

(I can't think of the player at the moment, but I remember a cup run where a player was playing with fractured ribs and it was later revealed that if he'd taken a puck or a nasty hit or gone into the boards wrong there was a chance he'd have had a vital organ punctured and likely wouldn't have known the extent of the damage until he'd collapsed from internal bleeding. It didn't happen, but WHAT THE FUCK)

And fans have a tendency to glorify them as gods for 'fighting through the pain' in their quest for the Cup.

As far as Goon goes:

They're all gonna be playing through injury. SInce this is from Tommy's perspective, he's coming at it from two angles - he's the guy who's played through injury his whole career just to keep a spot in the lineup, he's toughed it out and dealt with the numbing agents and the wraps and the twinge that doesn't go away for weeks at a time (and the aforementioned pain killers that eventually prompted him to go to fucking therapy in the first place). He is also the guy who has spent four years unpacking why exactly he did that - how much of it is the culture, how much of it is his own shit and his dad telling him to rub some dirt in it and stop being a pussy, how much of it has just been to prove himself capable of being one of the guys in the room.

There's also Hen, who pushes harder than the other trainers, and calls out the bullshit when she sees it, so yeah, this team probably has a slightly better track record of keeping the guy out with upper body injury out of the lineup for longer than any other team would, but - Buck's not the only one who's learned how to lie about exactly how much pain he's in and how well his recovery is going. He'll strain shit and refuse to admit it, he'll push through on a 'minor' injury unless he thinks playing on it would threaten his career. (He absolutely has NO real concept of how bad an injury actually is, tbh, because like everyone else he's been lying about it for so long he doesn't have an accurate pain scale.)

The tldr of this is that I don't condone it, but the reality is it's so ingrained in kids coming up that it's a reality of the culture and I'm not necessarily gonna shy away from that. It's not a huge focus of the story, but there will be hints here and there.

[deathbxnny]

YQ's Mother Requestor Anon here! I'm now gonna cackle bc the era of YQ angst is over and its time for his Villain! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

So, in the au "Jing Yuan executes his wife/Yanqing's mom wrongly" but let's make it even more worse with his son turning against him, very much angry and absolutely wanting to be the guy to end Jing Yuan. He betrays the entire Alliance and doesn't even care if he became a major criminal, because Yanqing now believes the Alliance is merely a glorified legion of murder worst than the Anti-Matter Legion (At least the Legion accepts their wrongdoings in a twisted way than to regale it as justice like the Hunt/Xianzhou Alliance).

He doesn't even join the Abundance, the Stellaron Hunters, etc. because he lacks the will that aligns with the Aeons opposing the Hunt/Xianzhou yet would not stay in the Hunt Path no longer, maybe he'll follow the Nihility or Finality?

Anyways, thanks for reading in my request and I look forward to whatever you bring!

[Ps: Bonus if the last straw was losing someone he loved bc of the Hunt/Xianzhou Alliance and making him question if the Alliance is truly the ones that bring justice, like Dan Shu and Yukong]

-----

A/N: Hello there! Yanqing's long awaited villain arc is finally approaching and so thank you for the request! I also apologise for me taking so long, but I officially got my new Laptop today, which means I'll finally get some requests out! I hope you'll like it!>:))

Content: Angst, betrayal, heartbreak, mentions of Yanging's mom being wrongfully executed, Yanqing getting his well-deserved villain arc, mentions/threats of violence, some cursing, Jing Yuan being kinda heartless, Reader briefly mentioned as Yanging's lover

Reader has no mentioned pronouns!

((Not proofread and new posting format!))

-----

Yanqing's life fell apart the moment he found out about the truth.

It were like the cold, unforgiving waves of the ocean crashing against a shore in a wild storm, drowning him in it with no way out. He reached out for help, yet all he got was pitied looks and empty apologies for what was the most heartbreaking revelation of his life. He cried and screamed, his body thrashing aorund in the hold of the cloud knights, his hands gripping onto his sword, his teeth barring at what was once his beloved master. He was reduced to nothing but a hateful memory now in the young boy's mind, all admiration and love gone in an instant and replaced with an unquenchable thirst for revenge.

"How could you? How could you betray me like this?" He screamed, but there was no explanation nor apology that would ever make this okay. Nothing in this world could fix this. And perhaps Jing Yuan knew this, when he turned aorund and began walking away quietly. He was a coward, who couldn't face his son's disappointment even when faced with the consequences of his actions. "HOW DARE YOU WALK AWAY, DAMNIT? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! I LOOKED UP TO YOU, YOU LIAR!" The boy screamed, his throat burning and failing him, his voice cracking so painfully, that it made the older man wince in shame. He knew this would happen, he knew the truth would tear him apart. But ultimately, he could never imagine how bad this truly would be. He was ignorant and it made him wonder what he expected would happen.

JIng Yuan came to a stop momentarily, his eyes focused ahead to blend out the pain in his heart, as he slaughtered the last of his emotions with a single sentence. "Take him away to cool off." Yanqing's eyes widened at his words, his body going limp in defeat and surprise, yet the rage in him said more than he needed to.

This wasn't over.

But Yanqing waited. He would be patient with getting his revenge. He'd plan every detail, he'd wait for the right moment to enact the perfect betrayal. He dug deep, learning all about the way his mother was wrongfully excecuted by his own father, who decided to just never even mention him being his biological child to him either. Yanqing just couldn't comprehend why the general would do this to him. And it wasn't just about his mother's excecution. All the lies about his heritage, all the lies about who he was, his mother discarded as nothing more than an unimportant memory alongside her entire clan.

Forgotten by all, except for her son, who eventually couldn't wait anymore, after he lost the only person who kept him sane. You, the light of his world, that comforted him when no one else wanted to. They let you die. You weren't worth saving in their eyes and that was what made him finally break.

The darkness was turning him into a ball of hatred and rage, he wasn't the same cheerful boy he once was. The change hurt him in more ways than one, but he decided to just drown that old part of himself and push forward with his plans. He wanted no help. He wante to do it all on his own, destroy everyone on the ship with his own hands, until they finally understand how he felt. He made a pact with the Aeon of Nihility and gained the power needed to truly enact his plans of betrayal.

His hair whipped in the wind, his face devoid of any emotions, as he stared down at the dishevelled general, who was clutching on his bleeding side uselessly. The Xianzhou Luofu was up in flames, citizens and guards running aorund in panic to get away from the destruction, their screams music to the too far gone boy. Once father and son, now nothing but enemies, the two brandished their swords in preparation of a fight Jing Yuan never wanted and Yanqing was itching for.

The boy could only hope that you and his mother were watching him, as a smile spread across his face in glee of it all finally coming to an end, when the older man's sword clattered to the ground with him following it soon after in defeat.

-----

A/N: Alright, I hope this was okay! Thank you again for the request and sorry again for taking so long!<3

[themculibrary]

Soulmate AUs Masterlist 3

part one, part two

A Gameshow Love Connection (ao3) - DancingClouds bucky/clint T, 15k

Summary: AU: Having the Winter Soldier as his soul-mate was awkward. Even more awkward was finding this out shortly after said soldier had arrested him.

And the Pain Recedes (ao3) - switchknitter loki/tony E, 13k

Summary: Tony Stark is in agony, but the doctors can't find anything wrong. It isn't until his soulmate appears one night in his bedroom that Tony finds out why.

a voice that came from you and me (ao3) - sten06 kate/yelena M, 25k

Summary: Kate Bishop is 10 years old when she hears the voice for the very first time.

It's rare to hear it so young (she learns this later) and she doesn't understand the significance quite yet, but there's something about it that's exciting. Incredible, even, which is a word she doesn't use often but she's pretty sure is appropriate for this.

OR

Kate/Yelena are soulmates and can communicate telepathically until their first in-person meeting. This is the story of their relationship through the years, their first meeting, and what happens next.

Bittersweet (ao3) - sariane tony/bruce E, 50k

Summary: Tony felt bare skin beneath his, the warmth of Steve's callused fingers – warmth that fused them together.

"No,” Tony choked out.

Fate is cruel. When Steve and Tony accidentally make skin-to-skin contact, it decides that they are soulmates and sparks a Bond between them. Tony decides differently. Without a way to reverse it, Tony must deal with the consequences of the Bond and how it affects his life, his relationship with Bruce, the Avengers, and most importantly, Steve…Whether he likes it or not.

It's not easy, but this is Tony's life. Nothing ever is.

Breathe, just breathe (ao3) - Burnt_Ashes steve/bucky M, 16k

Summary: Both Steve Rogers, born 1918, and Bucky Barnes, born 1985, are confused and disappointed by their soulmate words. With meetings like theirs, how is one supposed to believe that the universe got it right?

Coffee Breath (ao3) - orphan_account darcy/bucky T, 21k

Summary: “Small coffee, black.”

These are the three simple words that had been scribbled in blue across Darcy’s left wrist for twenty-six years, in the cramped capital-letter handwriting of the person that she had been not-so-patiently waiting to meet for just as long.

In hindsight, it may have been either the best or worst idea to take a job where she heard her own words a dozen times on a daily basis.

OR: the wintershock coffee shop/soulmate au that the world needs right now

Constant Surprises (ao3) - ninetigers bucky/sarah M, 60k

Summary: She hasn’t been out in a long time and Sam offers to watch over the boys while she’s gone. What Sarah doesn’t expect is for Sam to bring someone over with him, but before she even gets a chance to properly look at the man stepping out of the passenger side door, the itch that once wraps around her right leg becomes a pain that burns hot. A contrasting chill runs through her spine and she loses the grip on the pitcher of sweet tea, causing the glass to break into shards and the liquid to splash around her legs and feet.

Crystal Clear (ao3) - Rubick phil/clint, steve/natasha E, 19k

Summary: Every year on the winter solstice, magic makes it possible to identify your soulmate, if you’re in the right place at the right time. Which is ridiculous, if you ask Phil, because with 8 billion people in the world, the odds of being in the same place as your soulmate at the same time are just—they’re low. Like, stupid low.

That doesn’t stop Clint from going to the ceremonies every year and trying to find his soulmate, though. Clint is going to match one day, Phil knows it—and as long as Clint is happy, Phil would be happy.

But there is no way in hell Phil is going to watch it happen.

Devotion (ao3) - MarshmallowNerd wanda/bucky T, 11k

Summary: In a world where fate connects soulmates by sending possessions lost by one to be found by the other, Bucky finds his through a personal loss.

Every hour has come to this (ao3) - BladeoftheNebula steve/tony T, 6k

Summary: Tony's given up on finding his soulmate. His words are weird, he's getting older and really who needs to soulbond anyway?

Flight Deck Destiny (ao3) - Faded_sepia bruce/steve T, 3k

Summary: Two of the most capable, unstable people on this little team might already be closer than anyone would like to consider. Love is for children, but this? This is forever.

 Natasha’s learned to recognize when people share that sort of connection, can still remember the vice that tightened in her chest when she met her soulmate that first time. In a perfect world, Natasha could give them time to themselves, but nothing here is perfect; only urgent and clandestine.

Is meeting your soulmate as overwhelmingly awkward from the outside?

A soulmate story from three perspectives.

I love him on purpose (ao3) - holistic_alcoholic rhodey/tony T, 2k

Summary: The main rule of soul marks is this: you have a name on your wrist written in letters bright, a name that never fades or comes off. It’s not always a name you’re born with, but the name they will be known most for. Soul marks have predicted many destinies of greatness, many stories, famous, of failure.

Sometimes, soul marks only make it harder to get it right.

Lost in Transcription (ao3) - Veldeia steve/tony T, 25k

Summary: In a world recently turned upside down by the discovery of genetic markers for soulmates, Steve and Tony struggle to come to grips with their unexpected, unasked-for match.

Multitude of One (ao3) - nostalgicatsea steve/tony G, 4k

Summary: "So was I," his soulmate would tell him one day, and what it would mean was that they loved him.

Soulmate Theory For Dummies (ao3) - piffle steve/bucky, bucky/tony M, 17k

Summary: The thing about soul marks is, there’s no manual. Sure, some guy buried in some government office is probably working on one right now, compiling potential laws and outlining potential rules detailing the properties they think exist as he sips his cold coffee and shivers under the air conditioning, but that guy’s job is the definition of a dead-end.

It’s a dead-end because the moment someone thinks they know something about a mark, someone else, somewhere else, proves them wrong.

technicolor / grayscale (ao3) - plincess_cho steve/bucky G, 1k

Summary: Steve has lived his entire life in vibrant color, but when Bucky falls from the train, he takes all the beauty in the world with him.

Tell Me I'm Worth It, But I Don't Deserve It (ao3) - JustAnotherRandomPoster loki/tony T, 12k

Summary: All it takes is skin-on-skin contact. Something like a handshake could unlock Tony's entire future.

Unfortunately, it's the hand around his throat as he's lifted off his feet and thrown through a window.

Hated by the Norns, abandoned by his so-called family, and defeated by the Avengers, Loki just has to hold on a little longer. But he's reaching a hard limit, and now there's an enormous wrench in the works. And Norns he wants this to work. But the moment Stark realises the extent of his weakness, he'll be discarded again.

The Dove and the Clover (ao3) - Ruquas helmut/bucky G, 1k

Summary: Bucky muses over their different soulmarks. Zemo is just tired of the tickling.

without fears, without tears (ao3) - mjonesing (klassmartin) peter/mj M, 14k

Summary: "We keep meeting each other. Over and over. We've lived a hundred lifetimes together. We've danced through the streets of Pompeii, inspired Shakespeare, fought monsters and destiny and the New York Public Transit System." He chuckles but his humour is eclipsed by the memories. She holds his hand ever tighter and, for just a moment, they breath together in the corner of the hospital room, basking in the feel of being together until he brings whatever shred of reality he can find crashing down.

"But whether it takes twenty minutes or twenty years, the same thing always happens—I remember. And every time I remember, I lose you in the worst possible ways. Over and over. And I can't do it anymore. I'm so tired. You always tell me to keep going, to keep trying, but what kind of an existence is this? I can't keep finding and loving and losing you through all of history. How is all of this pain really worth it?"

(You Can't Choose) What Stays and What Fades Away (ao3) - Taste_is_Sweet steve/bucky G, 3k

Summary: At some point in everyone's life, the first words their soulmate will ever say to them will appear in deep black writing on their skin.

The words fade to light grey when a soulmate dies.

Sometimes new words replace them, whether they're wanted or not.

(These were the words Steve was born with, running in a messy, uneven line across his skinny little chest, beneath both his collarbones: You okay, pal? Those jerks didn't hurt ya too bad, did they?

Steve woke up from the ice in 2011 with the words, Who the hell is Bucky? circling his heart, in printing so precise it barely looked human.

Steve hated them.)

[the-prince-of-pink]

I got super inspired by @sm-baby 's digital circus au so I made a version of my sona for it! Carnival! Harbour "The Toymaker" Harbour's game represents all the toys you can win at a carnival, his game includes matching different parts of stuffed animals in order to form the one he asks for. Harbour is generally very sweet and kind, if a little clumsy, he assumes every new player is just another doll he forgot he made. If you don't make the right toy for him, he assumes you're broken and tries to take you apart and sew you back together, the moment he notices you bleeding/screaming in pain he realizes you're not a toy, he goes berserk with anguish, screaming about what you've done to his friends while relentlessly trying to sew you to the wall so he can take a look inside you. He can "hear" when his toys are talking, which is what he assumes the players are doing, he often goes into paranoid breakdowns while holding a toy close, comforting them as if comforting a scared and hurt child, he does this if he fails to catch new players too. Pomni finds him quite unnerving, with some of the toys he's been making recently falling heavily into the uncanny valley territory, though she tries her best to play along with his toys to keep him happy. Harbour however enjoys her company, both pre and post sentience, a fellow anxious buddy just looking for some sort of escapism from being awake.

Nicknames: "Larva" (Kinger) "Sticky-fingers" (Jax) "Costume supervisor" (Gangle) Fun facts! Despite being the costume supervisor, he doesn't actually know how to design clothes well, but gets yelled at by Gangle to do so. He adores Ragatha a lot and always tries to be polite, sometimes he just spends hours staring at her, marveling at her construction. She finds it very rude and his clumsiness leads to her raging at his table manners more than they'd like, but post sentience she's been learning to set boundaries and be patient when he spaces out. Though, she enjoys the quiet company of his toys. He wants to "fix" Jax, seeing him as a broken toy that just needs some love and to be stitched up.